Guide to Literary Agents - Successful Queries

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 19th installment in this series is with agent Joanna Stampfel Volpe (Nancy Coffey Literary) and her author, Amber McRee Turner, for her book, Sway, which was just recently sold to Hyperion/Disney.

In lieu of the book cover (forthcoming),
how about this photo of Amber Turner (right)
and her mom, Pat. Credit: Skirt! Memphis.

Dear Ms. Volpe,

Eleven-year-old Cass Nordenhauer had always been bundled in the admiration she felt for her mother’s storm clean-up work with the Southern Mobile Aid Response Team. Her pride rises near flood level when Mom announces her enrollment in meteorology school, where Toodi Bleu Nordenhauer plans to become “Toodi Bleu Skies.” Not so honorable, it turns out, is a soon-to-be-famous mother whose dream will be financed by a new man. Or better yet, a news man.

Reeling emotionally from the storm caused by her mom’s betrayal, Cass is sentenced to a summer ride-along with her seemingly lackluster dad, Douglas Nordenhauer, seller of frozen meats. When Cass reluctantly boards her new world-on-wheels, an old RV nicknamed “The Roast,” she’s increasingly captivated by the mysterious objects she finds – a freshly-glittered wagon, a trunk full of smelly shoes, a tambourine dripping with ribbons, and a unique method of navigation, Ye Olde Sneaker Reacher. It’s when Cass is introduced to her dad’s alter ego, “Make Believe McClean, Traveling Soap Sliver Salesman,” that she realizes she’s in for no run-of-the-mill beef jerky road trip. M.B. McClean wears a snug lime-striped suit. He sings Gordon Lightfoot. He’s got a suitcase full of magical soap slivers, and a whole lot of sway. And in one summer, M.B. McClean will escort his daughter from wonder to disgust and back home again, where Cass’ own special sway can take root.

Sway, a contemporary middle grade novel, is the story of a season with Cass and Make Believe McClean and the wounded-but-wise characters they meet along the way. It’s an adventure sudsy with southern gothic appeal, filled with arm-wrestling ghosts, sunken bumper boats, tumped port-o-potties, and fruity-chewy wax lips. It’s about the power of old soaps and lost shoes and how just the right combination of the two allow Cass to wash her hands of the past and look toward a future foaming with magic … with a new appreciation for “1 big can of lye.”

In 1993, I received a degree in Fiction Writing from Rhodes College, where I won both the Jane Donaldson Kepple writing prize and the Memphis Magazine fiction contest student award. I’ve had soap sliver sway oozing out my ears since that year. Thank you, Ms. Volpe, for your consideration of this query. At your request, I will be happy to send along part of the story, which is complete at 32,900 words.

Regards,

Amber McRee Turner

Commentary from Joanna

Every time I read it, I'm reminded that I love, love this query just so darn much. Here's why: the voice. Every sentence of this query is just oozing with eleven-year-old Cass Nordenhauer's voice. The play on words and witty but child-like descriptions caught me immediately. So I just had to request the manuscript to see if it delivered, and it did.

Not every query has to convey your protagonist's voice to be successful. But this story isn't high concept, it isn't super commercial and it isn't about vampires—so it's not exactly easy to pitch the plot and sound interesting. It's about a girl whose mom leaves. She goes on a forced-summer road trip with her least favorite parent—Dad. She learns a lesson. Their relationship grows. Sounds real interesting, right? Well, no. No it doesn't.

But what makes this story stand out is the honest voice, the beautiful prose, the real-to-life but still unbelievable twists and turns that Cass and her dad take along the way. Amber had to show this in her letter to make it stand out, and she certainly did. Now, typically I don't love a third paragraph that tells me why this story is wonderful. I usually like the summary to just speak for itself. But in this query Amber did something else that worked. She wrote that paragraph in Cass' voice too.

So for those of you out there telling a coming-of-age type story (sans vampires or zombies), one way to make your query stand out is by letting that voice really shine in your query. Introduce us to your main character right away. Let him or her make us stand up and take note. I think Amber proves that it can work!

Want more on this subject?

Successful Queries: (Fiction) "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet"

Successful Queries: (Kids/YA) "Wake"

Successful Queries: (Nonfiction) "Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon"

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Children's Writing | Successful Queries

11/3/2009 9:44:46 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)

Comments [4]

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Jessica Faust and "The Accidental Demon Slayer"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 18th installment in this series is with agent Jessica Faust (BookEnds, LLC) and her author, Angie Fox, for her book, The Accidental Demon Slayer. Fox's popular book has already spawned two sequels.

Dear Ms. Faust,

Straight-laced preschool teacher, Lizzie Brown, never lies, never cusses, and doesn’t really care much for surprises. When her long lost Grandma Gertie shows up on her doorstep riding a neon pink Harley Davidson wearing a “kiss my asphalt” t-shirt and hauling a carpet bag full of Smuckers jars filled with road kill magic, Lizzie doesn’t think her life could get any stranger. That is, until her hyper-active terrier starts talking and an ancient demon decides to kill her from his perch on the back of her toilet.

Lizzie learns she’s a demon slayer, fated to square off with the devil’s top minion in, oh about two weeks. Sadly, she’s untrained, unfit and under attack. Grandma’s gang of fifty-something biker witches promises to whip Lizzie into shape, as long as she joins them out on the road. But Lizzie wants nothing to do with all this craziness. She simply wants her normal life back. When she accidentally botches the spell meant to protect her, she only has one choice – trust the utterly delicious but secretive man who claims to be her protector.

Dimitri Kallinikos has had enough. Cursed by a demon centuries ago, his formerly prominent clan has dwindled down to himself and his younger twin sisters, both of whom are now in the coma that precedes certain death. To break the curse, he must kill the demon behind it. Dimitri needs a slayer. At long last, he’s found Lizzie. But how do you talk a girl you’ve never met into going straight to Hell? Lie (and hope she forgives you). Dimitri decides to pass himself off as Lizzie’s fated protector in order to gain her trust and guide her towards this crucial mission. But will his choice to deceive her cost them their lives, or simply their hearts?

The Accidental Demon Slayer is an 85,000-word humorous paranormal. I’m a member of RWA and the partial manuscript placed first in the Windy City RWA’s Four Seasons contest. The judge for that contest, Leah Hultenschmidt of Dorchester Publishing, has just requested the full. As an advertising writer, I’ve won multiple awards for my work in radio dialogue.

I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript. Thank you for your consideration and time.

Sincerely,

Angie Fox Gwinner

Commentary from Jessica:

I think this is probably one of the more perfect query letters I’ve seen. Yes, the pitch paragraphs could probably be shortened to two at the most, but it works as is, possibly because Angie’s voice shines through in each paragraph. You might also notice that Angie used a different technique than most writers. She launched right into her pitch and kept the title, genre, and word count to the end. This worked for her. Instantly readers knew that this was humorous and got a great sense of her voice.

One thing you can't see with this letter is that Angie only included her e-mail address. This is fine, but I would suggest also including your phone number. You just never know when an agent would prefer to call and you always want to make it as easy on those agents as possible.

I think by reading this letter and knowing what the subject line said, you can see why I immediately jumped in and read this with enthusiasm. Angie e-mailed me the full manuscript and I read it quickly and offered representation. Well, we were more than delighted when Angie’s debut novel, The Accidental Demon Slayer, was published this year and spent two weeks on The New York Times extended list.

The Dangerous Book
For Demon Slayers

Want more on this subject?

Successful Queries: (Fiction) "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet"

Successful Queries: (Kids/YA) "Wake"

Successful Queries: (Nonfiction) "Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon"

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Successful Queries

10/27/2009 7:53:46 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [3]

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Greg Daniel and "Peaches & Daddy"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 17th installment in this series is with agent Greg Daniel (Daniel Literary) and his author, Michael M. Greenburg, for his book, Peaches & Daddy: A Story of the Roaring 20s, the Birth of Tabloid Media & Courtship That Captured the Heart and Imagination of the American Public.

Dear Mr. Daniel

On the evening of March 5, 1926, 51-year-old Manhattan millionaire Edward “Daddy” Browning waltzed through the doors of the legendary Hotel McAlpin and into the life of a 15-year-old high school girl named Frances “Peaches” Heenan. Thirty-seven days later, with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in close pursuit, they were married.

Within 10 months, they would begin a courtroom drama that would capture the imagination of the American public and cast their impassioned saga into a national scandal.

Peaches & Daddy: A Story of the Roaring 20s, the Birth of Tabloid Media & Courtship That Captured the Heart and Imagination of the American Public is a work of narrative nonfiction set in America’s “Era of Wonderful Nonsense,” and is a chronicle of the odd romance, marriage and ultimate legal battles waged by this publicity-craving Manhattan couple. It is the improbable yet compelling story of two social and cultural opposites who, together, would become one of the nation’s celebrated icons of the early 20th century.

The shattered romance of Peaches and Daddy would find its breathtaking climax in a small-town courtroom packed to suffocation and stalked through the crosshairs of an expectant world. For five breathless days, hundreds of clamoring newspaper reporters and a wide-eyed public heard Peaches make allegations of "depraved tastes" and "abnormal activity," and they heard an indignant denial of it all from "Daddy." The bellowing press coverage and the ramifications of the final verdict would reverberate through the American conscience for years to come.

I believe this book to be of broad public appeal in that it combines the scintillating fervor of scandal with the true-to-life detachment of history. Our readership will range from those with a whimsical or tabloid interest, to those desiring a more historical or biographical study.

As a practicing attorney and as a past editor of the Pepperdine Law Review, I believe that I bring a unique perspective, via 22 years at my craft, to the true story of Peaches & Daddy and to the myriad of legal issues involved in their drama.

I would be pleased to forward a full proposal and sample chapters upon your request. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Michael M. Greenburg

Commentary from Greg:

Michael's query letter is a perfect example of a writer saying no more and no less than need be. He obviously put a lot of work into not only writing this letter but editing it, as well. Most authors seem to forget that their query letters should be crafted and edited as painstakingly as their manuscripts. By the end of the first paragraph of Michael's letter, I was hooked and knew I wanted to read this narrative history.

For nonfiction, it's also important that an author have sufficient credentials for the book he is writing. And while Michael is not a professional historian, he is a lawyer with a love of history - and much of the intrigue of the Peaches and Daddy story resides in the courtroom drama that unfolds in the last half of the book. I signed Michael as a client, and Overlook Press bought this book with a preemptive offer and published it in 2008 to glowing reviews.

This post about agents was
pulled from the current issue of Writer's
Digest (Sept. 2009) Order it online
to see more queries as well as our exclusive
list of 24 Agents Who Want Your Work.

Want more on this subject?

Successful Queries: (Fiction) "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet"

Successful Queries: (Kids/YA) "Wake"

Successful Queries: (Nonfiction) "Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon"

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Narrative Nonfiction | Successful Queries

10/20/2009 3:55:03 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [1]

Monday, October 12, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Elisabeth Weed and "The Last Will of Moira Leahy"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 16th installment in this series is with agent Elisabeth Weed (Weed Literary) and her author, Therese Walsh, for her book, The Last Will of Moira Leahy.

Dear Ms. Weed,

Allison Winn Scotch e-mailed me just a bit ago to say you'd be interested in hearing more about my manuscript. I'm thrilled for the opportunity, as Allison raves about you and I believe your agency would be a perfect fit for my work.

Weed Literary is looking for inventive storytelling. The Last Will of Moira Leahy is a 100,000 word commercial rite-of-passage tale about death, identity and acceptance, told through the eyes of twin sisters and woven with a fascinating mythology in the vein of Louise Erdrich's The Painted Drum. You're also seeking provocative fiction with a dash of humor. Though 9 out of 10 women cry when they read this story, they'll also laugh a lot.

Former musical prodigy Maeve Leahy has bound herself to the timeout chair of life. Though a decade has passed since losing her twin, Maeve's nightmares and musical hallucinations persist, and she still sees Moira's face whenever she looks in the mirror. It doesn't help that her mother shuns her, her best friend worries for her sanity, and her not-quite boyfriend leaves the country. When she finds a wavy dagger called a keris one night at auction, she recalls her carefree childhood and playing pirate on the Atlantic with her twin. She wins the blade, and its hidden consequences. Anonymous notes about the keris soon appear, rekindling her adventurous spirit. As she uncovers the blade's secrets, she may learn to embrace music, love and her reflection again, but will she be able to endure the cost?

The Javanese keris is a weapon with a documented history of effect, including the ability to decrease inhibitions, foretell the future, and more. The Last Will of Moira Leahy draws upon this rich lore as the story unfolds, but leaves the reader with the choice-to believe or not in an extraordinary possibility.

I have a master's degree in psychology and am an award-winning researcher. I'm a published nonfiction author with hundreds of articles in America's foremost health magazines and online health sites. I'm also the co-founder of Writer Unboxed, a popular genre fiction site.

I'd love to send you The Last Will of Moira Leahy if you think we'd be a good match. I appreciate your time and look forward to your response.

All best,
Therese Walsh

Commentary from Elisabeth:

Let me start by saying that I've had a good laugh, rereading my original correspondence with Therese Walsh. She sent this query to me on May 22 - fifteen days after my son was born. I requested the first 50 pages a few days later and on June 10th asked her to mail me the entire novel (prior to my kindle purchase.) On June 18, I e-mailed, and I quote, "I am so totally madly in love with your novel!" I am still in shock that Teri decided to sign with ME for not being able to come up with praise that was a little more nuanced, but my point to any writer reading this is that we agents are desperate for quality fiction. We will read it on zero sleep with newborns in tow and send inarticulate emails of unadulterated enthusiasm to authors when we really do fall "totally madly in love."

Okay, now, in all seriousness, it did help that another author of mine had called me to see if I'd be open to hearing about Therese's book. There is no question that I responded faster because of that connection. And of course, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that Allison's kind words didn't put me in a good frame of mind. So don't be shy about complimenting the agents that you are querying. That said, I would have requested this regardless because the book just sounded so good! Teri managed to capture the moodiness of her novel in 3 concise paragraphs, and lucky for me, delivered on that promise in her pages. I actually ended up using "Former musical prodigy, Maeve...." until the end of her query as the basis of my pitch letter to editors. (Teri's book sold at auction in a pre-emptive major deal to Shaye Areheart for two books!)

I was also impressed with Teri's fiction site, Writer Unboxed. It's a beautifully designed and wonderfully helpful site for authors that she co-founded, and it was clear, from a cursory glance, had put her heart and soul into. In other words, I could tell this was an author with a passion for writing and for books.

Finally, on the more business side of things, she also queried me around the time that books with elements of magic were catching on and even though "Javanese keris" and" fascinating mythology" weren't, at first glance, exactly what I was looking for in a book, the atmosphere of the world she described piqued my own growing interest in finding more books that flirted with the supernatural.

Want more on this subject?

Successful Queries: (Fiction) "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet"

Successful Queries: (Kids/YA) "Wake"

Successful Queries: (Nonfiction) "Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon"

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Successful Queries | Women's Fiction

10/12/2009 4:10:36 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [2]

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Kristin Nelson and "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 15th installment in this series is with agent Kristin Nelson (Nelson Literary) and her author, Jamie Ford, for his book, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet.

Dear Ms. Nelson:

I must admit I hate Asian stereotypes. You know the ones. Good at math. Hardworking. We all look alike. Come to think of it, that last one might hold water. After all, my father once wore a button that read “I am Chinese,” while growing up in Seattle’s Chinatown during WWII. It was the only thing that separated him from the Japanese, at least in the eyes of his Caucasian neighbors.

Sad, but true. Which is probably why my novel has a little to do with that particular piece of history.

Anyway, the working title is The Panama Hotel, and when people ask me what the heck it’s all about I usually tell them this: “It’s the story of the Japanese internment in Seattle, seen through the eyes of a 12-year-old Chinese boy, who is sent to an all-white private school, where he falls in love with a 12-year-old Japanese girl.”

But it’s more complicated than that. It’s a bittersweet tale about racism, commitment and enduring hope––a noble romantic journey set in 1942, and later in 1986 when the belongings of 37 Japanese families were discovered in the basement of a condemned hotel.

This historical fiction novel is based on my Glimmer Train story, "I Am Chinese," which was a Top 25 Finalist in their Fall 2006 Short-Story Competition For New Writers. An excerpt was also published in the Picolata Review.

Think Amy Tan, but with a sweeter aftertaste.

Thank you for your consideration and time,

Jamie Ford

The Panama Hotel
Historical Fiction 86,000 words / 353 pages

About the author: James “Jamie” Ford grew up near Seattle’s Chinatown and is busy writing his next novel, Rabbit Years. In addition to his Glimmer Train accolades, he took 1st Place in the 2006 Clarity of Night Short Fiction Contest. Jamie is also an alumnus of the Squaw Valley Community of Writers.

He hangs out at www.jamieford.com and has been known to eat jellyfish, sea cucumber and chicken feet on occasion.

Commentary From Kristin

I was really caught by Jamie's personal connection to the history he plans to explore. I've never heard of the "I am Chinese" buttons, which is kind of fascinating.

I've never seen a novel about a Chinese boy falling in love with a Japanese girl during such a volatile time period. I have to say that I was pretty much hooked by this story concept. Simple, but there's a lot of weight behind it. I did happen to know that the Chinese and the Japanese had long been at war before the advent of WWII, so I knew of the general animosity between the countries--but I knew nothing of how that might have played out on American soil.

I knew I was going to ask for sample pages, but I have to admit that his "But it's more complicated than that" paragraph made me pause. Dual narratives are tricky and extremely hard to pull off. I would only know if the author succeeded by asking for sample pages. I was struck by the belongings being discovered in an old hotel. This ends up being a true story and was part of what sparked Jamie to write the novel. I didn't find out this info until later and I must say that if included, it could have added power to the query letter.

It always helps to know there has been some previous recognition and Jamie mentions his Glimmer Train credit and literary creds. I would have asked for sample pages without the mention though. His last sentence about himself made me smile and that's never a bad thing.

Now here's what's interesting. As I mentioned on a previous blog, an agent friend of mine received the same query and it didn't spark his interest at all. Now he freely admits that he was in a time crunch at the time he received it. That can change our response. If he hadn't been, he might have paid a little closer attention but for the most part, this query didn't float his boat much.

And that just highlights the subjective tastes of agents.

(Kristin suggested changing the title, and she and Jamie decided on Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet.)

Want more on this subject?

How to Write a Query Letter.

Successful Queries: (Kids/YA) "Wake"

Successful Queries: (Nonfiction) "Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon"

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Successful Queries

10/7/2009 9:58:23 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [4]

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Michael Bourret and "Wake"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 14th installment in this series is with agent Michael Bourret (Dystel & Goderich) and her author, Lisa McMann, for her book, Wake.

Dear Mr. Bourret:

I’m seeking representation for Janie Hannagan: Dream Catcher, a 33,000-word paranormal novel for young adults. I see from your website that you represent YA fiction, and I wonder if this would be a good fit for your list.

For 17-year-old Janie Hannagan, getting sucked into other people’s dreams is growing tiresome. Especially the falling dreams. The naked-but-nobody-notices dreams. And the sex-crazed teenager dreams. Janie’s seen enough fantasy booty to last her half a lifetime.

But then there are the nightmares that leave her blind and paralyzed in fear, even after the dreams are over. Those are the worst. Because one day, someone’s going to notice her freefalling to the floor after somebody’s study hall naptime nightmare, or collapsing outside a resident’s room at the nursing home where she works. Or her worst fear: careening headlong into a tree if she ever drives past that house again.

She can’t tell anybody about it. They’d never believe her. And she can't do anything to stop it. Until she gets to know Cable, a secretive pothead flunkie turned pretty boy. And he accidentally falls into a dream with her on the senior high bus to Stratford.

It’s his own dream.

And it’s a dream he’d rather no one know about.

Especially Janie Hannagan.

My credits include a $10,000 Templeton award for an international short-story contest, and short story contained in Literary Mama: Reading for the Maternally Inclined (Seal Press), Pindeldyboz, Snow Monkey, Gator Springs Gazette and The Binnacle, among others. I’m a former children’s bookstore manager. Now I write full time. Janie’s next story is in the works.

Thanks for your time and consideration. I’ve pasted a few pages below. May I send you the complete manuscript?

Sincerely,

Lisa McMann

Commentary From Michael

It’s not often that a query really gets my attention. It’s even rarer that a query makes me stop what I’m doing and beg the author for the manuscript. When I came across Lisa McMann’s query for Dream Catcher (which would become Wake, from Simon Pulse), I knew I had to have it.

Although the opener wasn’t necessary, the rest of the query was clear, concise and compelling. That first line of description was perfect, and I knew from that one line that the concept was great. From there, the writing really drew me in; it was different, unusual and, as I suspected, reflective of the book.

Between the great writing and the fascinating concept, I was hooked. Less than a week later, Lisa was a client (after I wrestled her away from several other eagar agents), and nearly three years later, she’s a New York Times best-selling author. Her second book, Fade (Wake Book II), hit shelves in February. The third book in the series, Gone, comes out in Feb. 2010.

This post about agents was
pulled from the current issue of Writer's
Digest (Sept. 2009) Order it online
to see more queries as well as our exclusive
list of 24 Agents Who Want Your Work.

Children's Writing | Successful Queries

9/30/2009 11:22:03 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [2]

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Ellen Pepus and "The Belly Dancer"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 13th installment in this series is with agent Ellen Pepus (Signature Literary) and her author, DeAnna Cameron, for her s book, The Belly Dancer.

Dear Ms. Pepus:

In America, belly dancers evoke fascination and condemnation in equal measure, and it has been that way their debut in 1893 at the Chicago World’s Fair. My recently completed novel, The Belly Dancer, centers on the real-life scandal that followed their arrival, set against the backdrop of a city enchanted by the possibilities of the modern age, yet gripped by the Victorian sensibilities of the past.

In The Belly Dancer, Dora Chambers is a young bride from New Orleans who is plotting her way to a life of wealth and privilege in Chicago. When Dora arrives in her new city, her first priority is to be accepted by the inner sanctum of high society—the Fair’s Board of Lady Managers—but that’s challenged when she makes a friend among the Egyptian belly dancers during the course of her Lady Manager duties. Dora is captivated by the unexpected freedom she finds among the gypsy dancers, and it leads her to question her ambitions. She manages an uneasy balance between her allegiance to the Lady Managers and her clandestine friendship with the dancer, until a rival Lady Manager snoops into Dora’s past and discovers a family secret even Dora does not know: The father she never knew was half black. Dora knows the revelation will ruin her chances of ever being socially accepted, yet she draws strength from what she has learned about defying social expectations from the dancers and acknowledges the truth openly, though it means scarifying her good name, safe marriage and hard-won place in society.

Ultimately, she reinvents herself as a belly dancer.

The Belly Dancer explores the power of friendship, the importance of questioning assumptions and the need to define ourselves on our own terms.

I have been a journalist for many years, most recently as the editor of regional lifestyle magazine. I have studied fiction writing through numerous writing workshops, including UCLA and UC Irvine extension courses, and with novelist Lynette Brasfield (Nature Lessons, St. Martin’s Griffin, 2004), who has encouraged me to seek representation. Also, belly dancing (and its history) has been a passion of mine for more than 15 years.

Below I have pasted the opening chapters for your review. May I send you a partial or whole manuscript as well? I look forward to your response. Many thanks for your time and consideration

DeAnna Cameron

Commentary From Ellen

I think this letter works well for a few reasons, most notably the first paragraph. The author immediately grabbed my attention with the first line. The cool idea behind the book (the hook) is there, and the second line tells me what the book is about (and the title, which is fabulous).

Because now I’m intrigued, I want to know what the story is about and the author tells me. This pitch covers all the important points about the story without going into too much detail.

Now I’m curious about the author, and a paragraph offers that information. The author wisely focuses on just the things I want to know—her professional background, writing experience, and the fact that the subject of the book is something she is involved with in her life.

The last paragraph tells me she’s taken the trouble to visit my website, because she’s following my guidelines (to paste the first few pages into the e-mail). All in all, a perfect query letter.

This post about agents was
pulled from the current issue of Writer's
Digest (Sept. 2009) Order it online
to see more queries as well as our exclusive
list of 24 Agents Who Want Your Work.

Successful Queries

9/20/2009 11:25:40 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [0]

Friday, September 11, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Elisabeth Weed and "The Department of Lost & Found"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 12th installment in this series is with agent Elisabeth Weed (Weed Literary) and her author, Allison Winn Scotch, for her women's fiction book, The Department of Lost & Found.

Dear Ms. Weed:

Natalie Miller had a plan. She had a goddamn plan. Top of her class at Dartmouth. Even better at Yale Law. Youngest aide ever to the powerful Senator Claire Dupris. Higher, faster, stronger. This? Was all part of the plan. True, she was so busy ascending the political ladder that she rarely had time to sniff around her mediocre relationship with Ned, who fit the three Bs to the max: basic, blond and boring, and she definitely didn't have time to mourn her mangled relationship with Jake, her budding rock star ex-boyfriend.

The lump in her right breast that Ned discovers during brain-numbingly bland morning sex? That? Was most definitely not part of the plan. And Stage IIIA breast cancer? Never once had Natalie jotted this down on her to-do list for conquering the world. When her (tiny-penised) boyfriend has the audacity to dump her on the day after her diagnosis, Natalie's entire world dissolves into a tornado of upheaval, and she's left with nothing but her diary to her ex-boyfriends, her mornings lingering over the Price is Right, her burnt out stubs of pot which carry her past the chemo pain, and finally, the weight of her life choices - the ones in which she might drown if she doesn't find a buoy.

The Department of Lost and Found is a story of hope, of resolve, of digging deeper than you thought possible until you find the strength not to crumble, and ultimately, of making your own luck, even when you've been dealt an unsteady hand.

I'm a freelance writer and have contributed to, among others, American Baby, American Way, Arthritis Today, Bride's, Cooking Light, Fitness, Glamour, InStyle Weddings, Lifetime Television, Men's Edge, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, Parenting, Parents, Prevention, Redbook, Self, Shape, Sly, Stuff, USA Weekend, Weight Watchers, Woman's Day, Women's Health, and ivillage.com, msn.com, and women.com. I also ghostwrote The Knot Book of Wedding Flowers.

If you are interested, I'd love to send you the completed manuscript. Thanks so much! Looking forward to speaking with you soon.

Allison

Commentary From Elisabeth:

Allison's query grabbed me right off the bat. The opening sentence reads like great jacket copy and I immediately know who our protagonist is and what the conflict for her will be. And, it's funny, without being silly. I also really loved the third paragraph because it tells me where this book will land: up-market women's fiction. A great place to be these days!

The other thing that jumped out for me was Allison's previous credentials. While being able to write nonfiction does not necessarily translate over to fiction, it showed me that she was someone worth paying more attention to. And her magazine contacts helped when it came time to publicize the book. That said, I would have asked to see the book without that last paragraph, but it did indicate to me that she was someone who was serious about writing.

I ended up requesting the book and reading the first 100 pages that very night, e-mailing Allison that I loved what I'd read and was planning on finishing the next day. (This of course before I had a baby. My response time has sadly slowed a bit in the last year.) I signed her up, and, if memory serves, we sent the novel out within a month and sold it at auction.

Her latest novel, Time of My Life, just came out in paperback and explores all of our lingering what-ifs by sending her protagonist back to redo her life. If you are looking for a great book, I highly recommend it. (And of course I am not at all biased!) But for the sake of Chuck’s fabulous blog, it is exactly the kind of fiction I would love to sell more of, so if you have something in this vein, please be in touch.

Time of My Life is
available in paperback.

Want more on this subject?

See all installments in the "Successful Queries" series.

How to establish a connection with an agent.

Query guru Wendy Burt-Thomas talks tips.

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Successful Queries | Women's Fiction

9/11/2009 1:46:33 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [1]

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Barbara Poelle and "A Bad Day For Sorry"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The 11th installment in this series is with agent Barbara Poelle (Irene Goodman Literary) and her author, Sophie Littlefield, for her crime book, A Bad Day For Sorry.

A Bad Day for Sorry

Dear Ms. Poelle:

I am seeking representaton for my 75,000-word thriller, A Bad Day for Sorry.

Three years ago, rural Missouri housewife Stella Hardesty stopped her wife-beating husband in his tracks for good. After being acquitted of his murder, Stella launched a career helping other abused women put an end to their problems. When Stella's on the job, abusive husbands and boyfriends disappear - sometimes to the far side of town, and sometimes forever.

When young mother Chrissy Shaw asks Stella for help with her no-good husband, it seems like a straightforward case. Until Roy Dean Shaw disappears with Chrissy's 2-year-old son from a previous relationship. Now Stella and Chrissy must battle two-bit crooks and deadly Kansas City mafia to get the boy back - all the while staying one step ahead of the law.

I have written professionally for 10 years, publishing articles in computing, parenting, and women's magazines, and most recently working as a copywriter and editor for C&T Publishing. My short story, "Anything for You," was a runner-up for the Crime Writers' Association's 2007 Fish-Knife Award. Other short stories will appear in upcoming issues of Thuglit and Pulp Pusher.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my work. My first 10 pages and synopsis follow. Upon your request, I would be happy to provide the complete manuscript.

Sincerely,
Sophie Littlefield

Commentary From Barbara

This query is an interesting one for me as far as, at first glance, it isn't terribly extraordinary. But when broken down, you can see why the request for further materials was a no-brainer. First, I like the simple opening line explaining the genre and word count. I know exactly what I'm getting and I am absolutely on the hunt for thrillers, and very public about it, so she's got me pegged already.

The pitch begins and it taps into the synopsis - and at this point, I realized what appeared to be a standard straightforward query holds a wildly unique and extremely concise plot, as well as an original female protagonist. Now she has me. That is why I am using this query as an example. In the end, it should be the plot that gets me, not the mechanics of the query itself.

The next paragraph is a real corker, and not for the reasons you may think. The articles are excellent, and I could certainly request a full list of publications, but it was her technical writing experience juxtaposed against her publications in Thuglit and Pulp Pusher that flicked the light from yellow to green. Here you have someone who clearly works within the realm of proper narrative and technical execution at her day job, but is also in forums where gritty, pulpy stories are ripe with violence and sass. At this point, I had to take a peek. (The first 10 pages were attached, and they were very, very, very good.) After I read the full, I told Sophie I would "get into a monkey knife fight" to represent her.

In the end, what works here is the concise query telling me the hook, the book and the cook. It opens introducing the hook: A formerly abused housewife "helps" other women in need. The book: a brief two-paragraph look at the story. And the cook: Littlefield and her writing credits.

This "Real Query That Worked" was
pulled from the current issue of Writer's
Digest (Sept. 2009) Order it online
to see more queries as well as our exclusive
list of 24 Agents Who Want Your Work.

Genre Writing | Successful Queries

9/9/2009 4:39:44 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [2]

Monday, August 31, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Kate McKean and "Frantic Francis"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The tenth installment in this series is with agent Kate McKean (Howard Morhaim Literary) and her author, Brett Perkins, for his book, Frantic Francis.

Frantic Francis

September 14, 2006

Dear Ms. McKean:

I am working on a nonfiction book that would seem to fit your interests and have included a brief synopsis that you may enjoy. Thank you for taking the time to read the following.

Knute Rockne, “Pop” Warner and Amos Alonzo Stagg are college football’s immortal coaches, celebrated in books, movies and myth, yet none of them have influenced modern football more than the forgotten Francis Schmidt. The game’s wide-open style, which has helped to make it the most watched and most profitable sport in America, is largely the creation of Schmidt, an intense eccentric with an insatiable imagination. In The Rise and Fall of Francis Schmidt: How One Coach’s Madness Changed the Way Football Is Played, I rediscover one of the most unusual and influential men in football history.

Between the World Wars, Schmidt’s collegiate squads at Tulsa, Arkansas, Texas Christian and Ohio State won eight titles in three different conferences. Altogether they won 157 games by a staggering point differential of +3,753 points. What made these teams so dangerous was the use of Schmidt’s groundbreaking strategies. He preached speed, deception and imagination, while his counterparts stuck to Victorian football, built on simplicity, power and caution. Most teams of the era used playbooks consisting of 20 to 50 plays, while Schmidt’s boys employed an omnibus of more than 400 plays that was altered daily. The intricate diagrams were daring and far ahead of their time. Some of them were just plain crazy, like the play in which the ball was lateraled four times, the quarterback touching it first and last. The bewildering juggernaut was unlike anything seen in the sport’s 65-year history.

The Rise and Fall of Francis Schmidt is a story. It’s about a man who rose from unpaid, volunteer high school coach to a shot at the big time, coaching at one of the nation's most famous football schools. Schmidt is an oddball trying to prove his unorthodox methods while a nation of football lovers look on with curiosity. It's these years as head coach of Ohio State that serve as the backbone of the book. For seven seasons (1934-1940), the Buckeye faithful would go on a wild ride. Unimaginable highs would be followed by shocking reversals. Using Schmidt’s progressive system of offense, the Buckeyes became nationally famous in the football world. The ending was ugly and ultimately tragic. After burning bridges in Columbus, Schmidt ended up in coaching exile at the University of Idaho where he would soon die at the age of 58.

Like many great innovators, there seemed to be nothing normal about Schmidt. He was brusque and socially awkward, as well as paranoid and manic. In reality, he probably suffered from hypomania, a form of bipolar disorder. His players called him “Frantic Francis.” He forgot their names, shocked them with his relentless cursing and confused them with his erratic behavior. It was this madness that would make him forever important but it would also hasten his demise and allow his influence to go unexamined for so long.

A large number of the coaches who had worked or played under Schmidt―that is, who had been exposed to his altered state of football―would go on to create waves in the game, changing it forever. Modern NFL icons like Al Davis and Bill Walsh acknowledge Schmidt’s lineage and its influence on their own highly touted modern strategies. Although Francis Schmidt is an important figure in football history, he is currently unrecognized by the mainstream. This book will change that forever.

If you would like to see the full book proposal, please contact me using the information below. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon,

Sincerely,
Brett Perkins

Commentary From Kate

Brett's query had me at "college football." I'm a big fan. But also, Brett's introductory paragraph was short and sweet--no "this-is-why-I-had-to-write-this-book" reasoning that is all ego and no info and often gets in the way in query letters.

He dove right in with the book's hook. He promised a hidden gem, and untold story with an arc, and a tangible contribution to the field. Plus, with the insane stats he shares in the third paragraph (+3,753 point differential!), I could see the proof behind his claims. Most importantly, his even tone lent the letter authority. No THIS IS THE BEST STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL hyperbole to oversell the story. Lastly, Brett addressed the market (Ohio State Buckeye fans, recent players who tout Schmidt), without citing irrelevant numbers. Not all (roughly) bazillion college football fans will be interested in this book. They should be, but it's more important to hook the ones who will than address the vague masses.

I did a little research of my own to see if I could tell if Schmidt was the real deal or not, and if there was room for him on the shelf. Sometimes, when there isn't already a book on a subject, it means there isn't a market to support it, not that no one's tackled it yet. But I was convinced there was a market for this book. *I* wanted to read this book.

I will say, his letter is a little long, and it doesn't need to be this detailed. Brett should have also sent along a proposal and sample chapters with his query, but I won't fault him on that one because our website wasn't up at the time of his letter.

All told, the content of Brett's letter got my attention, and I requested his proposal. He sent it, I signed him up, and we edited the proposal together. We accepted an offer from Bison Books, an imprint of the University of Nebraska Press, well known for their sports history titles. I think Brett's done a fantastic job with the book. And check out that cover! Isn't it handsome? Brett and I fought hard for this book, and I'm very proud to see its publication day, today. Please check out the book on BN.com!

PS: Go Gators.

Want more on this subject?

See the entire Successful Queries category here.

Previously, I interviewed agent Kate McKean.

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.

Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.

Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Nonfiction | Successful Queries

8/31/2009 11:19:18 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [2]

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Mary Sue Seymour and "A Widow's Hope"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The ninth installment in this series is with agent Mary Sue Seymour (The Seymour Agency) and her author, Mary Ellis, for her book, A Widow's Hope.

A Widow's Hope

Dear Ms. Seymour:

Although I was unable to attend this year’s ACFW conference, I studied the list of agents who had participated. I was excited to see your name among the attendees since I’d heard many wonderful things about your agency. I have taken the liberty of enclosing the synopsis and first three chapters of A Widow’s Hope with my fondest hope you will select it for representation. A Widow’s Hope is a 95,000-word Christian Inspirational set in Holmes County, Ohio, the largest Amish community in the country.

After the death of her husband, Hannah Brown is determined to make a new life with her sister’s family. But when she sells her farm in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and moves with her sheep to Ohio, the wool unexpectedly starts to fly. Her deacon brother–in–law finds just about everything about Hannah vexing. When his widower brother shows interest in the young and beautiful widow, the deacon turns to prayer for guidance.

Hannah thought she could never love again, until she meets the strong, gentle farmer. Unfortunately, Seth Miller’s only interest is in Hannah’s sheep. He is content in his bachelor state and slow to recognize his daughter’s need for a new mother. Yet God offers Seth the perfect solution to their problems if he could only open his heart again ... and love.

My two previous manuscripts placed in the “Labor of Love” contest, sponsored by the Heart of Louisiana chapter, Baton Rouge, and the “Hot Prospects” contest sponsored by Valley of the Sun chapter, both chapters of RWA. I am a former middle school teacher, currently working in marketing and sales. I have spent many weeks and weekends in Holmes County, researching and enjoying the simpler way of life. I am currently working on the second in the series.
If you’d like to see the full manuscript, please contact me at the above address. It would be my pleasure to send A Widow’s Hope immediately. Thank you very much for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Mary Ellis

Commentary From Mary Sue

Mary Ellis actually went to my site to see which conferences I attend and that caught my attention right off the bat. She did research and had a reason for querying me rather than just sending out e-mails to every agent online.

Her pitch - the two middle paragraphs - worked well. The plot intrigued me. Everything was presented - the protagonist, the challenges, the conflict. Christian inspirational is a genre I represent often, and this was a good summary in a category that I like.

She mentioned contests she'd placed in so I knew her writing had potential. The awards were mentioned briefly and humbly without much hurrah or details, which is exactly the way to do it.

Finally, she was wise enough to complete the book beforehand and say so in the letter. You'd be surprised how many first-time authors don't finish (and polish!) their work before sending it out.

Requesting the full manuscript was a no-brainer for me - and I'm glad I did.

Want more on this subject?

To see the other posted letters in this "Successful Queries" series, click here.
If Christian/inspiration writing is your thing, check out the agents I've interviewed who specialize in this category, including Greg Daniel and Joyce Hart.
Take a peek at Writing the Christian Romance, by G.G. Martin.
Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.
Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.
Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Christian Agents | Romance | Successful Queries

8/20/2009 10:08:32 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [1]

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Jon Sternfeld and "Children of Disappointment"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The eighth installment in this series is with agent Jon Sternfeld (Irene Goodman Literary Agency) and his author David Chura, for the narrative nonfiction book, Children of Disappointment. (The book has not yet come out.)

Agent Jon Sternfeld
of The Irene Goodman
Literary Agency

Dear Mr. Sternfeld:

Aware of your interest in social issues as well as education, I would like you to represent Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup, an 80,000-word narrative nonfiction book. This book examines important cultural concerns while maintaining a deeply personal approach, telling the stories of kids disenfranchised by their own actions and by society's attitude towards them.

The number of kids in U.S. jails is at an historic high, having risen 35 percent since the 1990s, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. For ten years I shared that life behind bars. As a teacher at a New York county prison, I worked seven hours a day with the kids the media throws away as drug and sex-crazed "super-predators" and with the correctional officers it depicts as sadistic misfits. Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup offers a new, more fully realized portrayal of these teens and COs, reflecting my work in the classroom and beyond, into the blocks, the high security unit, the visiting room, and the clinics. The book reveals the gripping and poignant stories of troubled kids and the adults who care for them, experiences unavailable to visitors and volunteers.

Whereas writers and reporters write about kids held in juvenile detention centers - Mark Salzman in True Notebooks and John Huber in Last Chance in Texas - I write about minors already serving time in adult lock-up, a much harsher world than that of juvenile centers. With this insider's view, Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup shows what prison is really like, responding to many Americans' concerns and curiosity, while at the same time putting a face on the statistics academics and policymakers analyze and act on. Readers meet the 17-year-old druggie and devoted daddy; the snarling but protective Irish-Bronx CO; the wannabe hip-hop poet; the cheap warden rationing inmate toilet paper. Yet even in the grim prison setting, humor flashes into these stories' darkest corners. Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup, with its unique yet universal perspective, mirrors society's challenging family and community problems.

Excerpts from Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup as well as my short stories and creative nonfiction essays have appeared in various publications, including The New York Times. The editors of Fourth Genre nominated "Pin-Ups," a selection from the book, for a 2005 Pushcart Prize in narrative nonfiction.

Thank you for considering my request for representation. Below is the first chapter (seven pages) of Children of Disappointment: Kids in Adult Lockup. A complete proposal and other sample chapters are available at your request. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

David Chura

Commentary From Jon

Having to cull through something like fifty query letters a day, I’ve developed something of a system about what questions to ask myself as I scan queries (yes, scan; sadly, I can’t read every word or I’d have no time for anything else).

The questions are:
        1.) Does it interest me?
        2.) Does it appear to be well done?
        3.) Can I sell it?

Though these three questions are bouncing around my head simultaneously, I’ll take each separately so I can give writers a peak as to how this whole thing works, at last on my end.

1.) Does it interest me?
        This includes both personal taste and a sense of ‘wow’ (or ‘aha’, or ‘I haven’t seen this before.’); I feel the excitement in my bones if I feel this. Is it an original take on a topic that engages me? Is it fresh? Is the angle new and (to some extent) groundbreaking?
        I represent a mix of literary fiction and social/cultural nonfiction (mostly narrative), so if the book falls into one of these areas and answers question one affirmatively, I’ll usually ask to see more.
        David Chura’s Children of Disappointment is right in my wheelhouse; the author clearly researched the kind of narrative nonfiction that I’m looking for. This world piques my interest, both from a socio-cultural standpoint and from a dramatic standpoint. He frames his project as an original and human spin on an area that the news and the public have pigeonholed, so the angle feels new to me.

2.) Does it appear to be well done?
        A query letter gives the content of the book, but it also lets agents know if you can write, organize your thoughts/ideas, and express yourself engagingly and professionally. Writers should not just blindly dump content into their query letter and hope the agent wants to read their manuscript. The old “I’m not good at query letters” doesn’t fly with me; if the query letter is poorly done, I most likely will never get to your chapters.
        This is an extremely professional and well-written query letter. It’s structured properly, announcing at the outset what the book is and how it connects to me and then giving enough detail without going overboard with its summary (I often ignore long synopses.) The letter has enough voice to give me a sense of who the writer is and he clearly understands how to ‘position’ is book (with comparable titles) in a way that lets me know what ‘type’ it is. I can picture where it would be shelved at bookstores and can imagine myself buying it.

3.) Can I sell it?
        Really the biggest question, and the one that is often a guessing game based on experience. With non-fiction, I have to consider the promotional capabilities of the client (known as ‘a platform’), and without some expertise or connections, publishers have no chance to get word out about the book. Besides platform, there needs to be both a definable audience and interest in the topic, as well as something of a gap that needs to be filled. If there are too many comparable titles to your book, then why write another one?
        As for Children of Disappointment, it’s certainly a dark area, but there’s something marketable about the project. Writers like Jonathan Kozol and Barbara Ehrenreich have explored the underclass in compelling way and given birth to a new genre in the process. Television shows like “The Wire” and “Oz” have shown that the public has an interest in this subject matter, as long as there’s drama and a humanity behind it; since Children of Disappointment is coming from their teacher, I’m imagining it’s not going to be hard-hitting and cold, so much as eye-opening and moving.
        Luckily, the writing turned out to be novelistic and engaging – a huge reason why I ended up signing David and his project.

Want more on this subject?

See all the installments of this "Successful Queries" series here.
Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.
Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.
Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Narrative Nonfiction | Nonfiction | Pitching | Platform | Successful Queries

8/12/2009 2:30:10 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [3]

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Chip MacGregor and "Mind the Gap"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The seventh installment in this series is with agent Chip MacGregor (MacGregor Literary) and his author, Roger Martin, for the inspirational nonfiction book, Mind the Gap. (At Chip's request, he has changed the name of the author in this letter, but the letter itself remains the same.)

Dear Mr. MacGregor,

I enjoyed meeting you at the Atlanta conference last weekend. As I mentioned, I have read your blog faithfully for the past couple years, and you always seem to balance insight with humor. When I heard you were going to be at the Harriett Austin conference, I knew I had to attend. As a reminder, we chatted during the cocktail party, and explored how book on ancient spiritual practices might fit with CBA publishers’ recent interest in books tapping into Christian history. Per your request, I have enclosed a synopsis and first three sample chapters of Mind The Gap, a 50,000-word completed nonfiction book that was a finalist in the Southern California Writing Competition.

Jesus said we always live out what’s in our heart, so our actions reveal our character. Our lives are run by the deeply submerged governing ideas that are often very different from the things we claim to value or believe. In other words, there is a gap between what we want to do and what we actually do. Will power alone was never meant to carry the weight of right living—it’s too puny to defeat temptation or override the compulsions of a lifetime. By spending more time with Jesus in the Gospels, we overcome a key barrier in bridging the willing-doing gap -- we move away from the Jesus we thought we knew, and teachings we thought might be burdensome, to discover the Jesus actually portrayed in the Gospels. If we can learn to “mind the gap” – to give attention to changing our core idea systems and our related emotional dispositions, then our words and actions will eventually become more like Jesus, living more naturally from the inside out.

I am a professor at Baylor University, a busy conference speaker, and the author of four other nonfiction books in CBA. My most recent title, Seeing God with New Eyes, was a finalist for the ECPA Gold Medallion.

If you would like to see the completed manuscript, I can be reached at writer@myblog.com. Thanks very much for your time and attention. I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

All the best,

Roger Martin

Commentary From Chip

OK, let’s explore this letter for a moment…

I think this letter is great. It came as an e-mail, and had the author’s name, address, phone, and email at the top AND bottom, so it was easy to find. Right near the top, he gave me context. (Can you imagine how many authors I’ve bumped into and had conversations with at conferences? Egad – I can’t be expected to remember them all. But he contacted me right away, gave me enough to jog my memory… and it didn’t hurt that he said something nice about my blog. I was glad he didn’t fawn, but everybody likes getting a compliment.)

The author (that’s not his real name) tells me fairly quickly the title, word count, and the fact that the book is complete. His title is intriguing, since I’ve lived in England and already have a context for the phrase “mind the gap.” There is a need for deeper spiritual books, and this one sounds interesting. The description he uses is fairly sound – though I’ll admit I would have liked to have seen it jazzed up just a bit.

Another thought: Roger is a university professor, and he sounds like it in his writing. There’s a formal quality to his words, and that no doubt reflects the tone of his book. I like that, since I see too many queries that are flat – why spend two years working on your book, then two minutes banging out a query? Let your query reflect your writing and voice.

I was very glad to see his credentials – that fact that he’s been a finalist for a prestigious religion-writing award certainly catches my eye. The whole thing might be a bit long, but in this case I enjoyed getting the extra information. This is a book I was quick to look at, and ended up signing the author as a client.

Want more on this subject?

Confused about formatting? Check out Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript.
This is the seventh sample query in this series. See all the queries here for free!
Read about What Agents Hate: Chapter 1 Pet Peeves.
Want the most complete database of agents and what genres they're looking for? Buy the 2010 Guide to Literary Agents today!

Christian Agents | Nonfiction | Platform | Successful Queries

8/4/2009 11:05:01 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [3]

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Michelle Brower and "Breathers"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The sixth installment in this series is with agent Michelle Brower (Wendy Sherman Associates) and her author Scott Browne, for his novel, Breathers.

Dear Michelle Brower:

“I spent two days in a cage at the SPCA until my parents finally came to pick me up. The stigma of bringing your undead son home to live with you can wreak havoc on your social status, so I can’t exactly blame my parents for not rushing out to claim me. But one more day and I would have been donated to a research facility.”

Andy Warner is a zombie.

After reanimating from a car accident that killed his wife, Andy is resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and vilified by society. Seeking comfort and camaraderie in Undead Anonymous, a support group for zombies, Andy finds kindred souls in Rita, a recent suicide who has a taste for consuming formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car crash victim with an artistic flair for Renaissance pornography.

With the help of his new friends and a rogue zombie named Ray, Andy embarks on a journey of personal freedom and self-discovery that will take him from his own casket to the SPCA to a media-driven, class-action lawsuit for the civil rights of all zombies. And along the way, he’ll even devour a few Breathers.

Breathers is a contemporary dark comedy about life, or undeath, through the eyes of an ordinary zombie. In addition to Breathers, I’ve written three other novels and more than four dozen short stories – a dozen of which have appeared in small press publications. Currently, I’m working on my fifth novel, also a dark comedy, about Fate.

Enclosed is a two-page synopsis and the first chapter of Breathers, with additional sample chapters or the entire manuscript available upon request. I appreciate your time and interest in considering my query and I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Scott G. Browne

Commentary from Michelle:

What really drew me to this query was the fact that it had exactly what I'm looking for in my commercial fiction - story and style. Scott included a brief quote from the book that managed to capture his sense of humor as an author and his uniquely relatable main character (hard to do with someone who's recently reanimated).

The letter quickly conveyed that this was an unusual book about zombies, and being a fan of zombie literature, I was aware that it seemed like it was taking things in a new direction. I also appreciated how Scott conveyed the main conflict of his plot and his supporting cast of characters - we know there is an issue for Andy beyond coming back to life as a zombie, and that provides momentum for the story.

I think this is a great example of how query letters can break the rules and still stand out in the slush pile. I normally don’t like quotes as the first line, because I don’t have a context for them, but this quote both sets up the main conceit of the book AND gives me a sense of the character's voice. This method won’t necessarily work for most fiction, but it absolutely was successful here.

Successful Queries

7/26/2009 4:51:20 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [6]

Monday, July 20, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Verna Dreisbach and "The Power of Memoir"
Posted by Chuck

This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The fifth installment in this series is with agent Verna Dreisbach (Dreisbach Literary) and her author Linda Joy Myers, for her nonfiction book, The Power of Memoir.

Dear Ms. Dreisbach,

It was so wonderful to meet you at the East of Eden Writers Conference a couple of weeks ago. I felt that you understood my work and not only saw what I had accomplished but could see my vision of the kinds of books I want to write in the future, and how it all connects to my larger platform for the National Association of Memoir Writers. As I mentioned to you, my work as a therapist, healer, and writer all intersect to provide books, workshops, online coaching, and tools for memoir writers all over the world through my two websites and my social networking connections on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

My nonfiction, self-help guide Becoming Whole, Writing Your Healing Story is a pioneering how-to book on healing one’s emotional life through the practice of memoir writing. As a therapist and memoirist, I have developed ground-breaking techniques that have helped thousands of people realize the wisdom and power of their personal stories. Becoming Whole offers specific guidelines and exercises to help both experienced and novice writers unravel the complicated, sometimes daunting, and always exhilarating task of penning a memoir. This important and accessible book provides essential tools and techniques to help writers open to layers of inner listening, explore their deepest thoughts and feelings, and express the unexpressed.

Becoming Whole: Writing Your Healing Story is part of a new generation of books about writing and healing, an area of focus that is growing every year in both psychotherapy and medicine. The subject of writing and healing came into the public view nearly fifteen years ago with the work of Dr. James Pennebaker and Dr. Joshua Smyth, and has been followed by several other generations of study and research. The research is documented in various journals, one of the most famous articles was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1999, which documented that writing helped to heal diseases such as arthritis and asthma.

I have a Ph.D. in psychology and have had a therapy practice in Berkeley, California for thirty years. I’m currently the president and founder of the National Association of Memoir Writers, which connects memoir writers from all over the world, with several international members and guest speakers. I teach memoir-as-healing workshops in the Bay Area and nationally, and offer online coaching and workshops. A frequent traveler to writing conferences as a consultant and workshop presenter, I enjoy presenting the “good news” about memoir writing and the power of writing to heal to therapists and writers, and to those who don’t see themselves as writers who want to capture their family stories.

Endorsements: I received a number of endorsements for Becoming Whole, including Dr. James Pennebaker, the premier researcher about how writing heals, and various memoir writers—Michele Weldon, Susan Albert, John Fox, and Maureen Murdock, author of Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory and The Heroine’s Journey. Becoming Whole: Writing Your Healing Story was a Finalist in the ForeWord magazine’s 2008 Book of the Year in the nonfiction self-help/writing category, and my memoir, Don’t Call Me Mother: Breaking the Chain of Mother Daughter Abandonment, received the Gold Medal Award from BAIPA, Bay Area Independent Publishing Association, First Prize in the Jack London Nonfiction Contest and endorsements from many well known writers and memoirists. I’ve earned numerous awards in a variety of writing contests in the genres of fiction, memoir, poetry and nonfiction. My fiction manuscript, Secret Music, a novel about the Kindertransport, placed as a finalist at the San Francisco Writers’ Conference.

I am not just a one-book author, with several more books that I want to get out into the world—a World War II fiction book, a how-to book on writing spiritual autobiography, and another memoir. I hope you will consider representing me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Linda Joy Myers, Ph.D.
www.namw.org
www.memoriesandmemoirs.com

Commentary from Verna

I’ve had several inquiries as to the difference between a fiction and a nonfiction query letter. I figured I could be helpful by providing a nonfiction query as an example. A nonfiction query letter will tend to be slightly longer than the average fiction query, partially because the agent will need to know a little about the market, audience and expertise of the author. Still, it should be concise - otherwise it will start to read like a proposal and agents tend to have rather short attention spans reading query letters. If an agent is intrigued by the query, then they will ask for a proposal.

First and foremost, the query is in the form of a business letter with a formal introduction and closing, and she has spelled my name correctly. You would be amazed at how frequent a mistake this is in query letters. Already, the author has my attention. Professionalism is what gains my attention. I believe professionalism is just as important as good writing.

Linda immediately addresses the fact that we have met and reflects upon the personal nature of our conversation. These reminders are helpful, especially since agents meet with a large number of writers at conferences. We may need reminding. What I like about Linda, and what I look for in nonfiction authors, is an understanding that the book is not the ultimate goal. The book is only a natural byproduct of a larger platform. She has a passion as a therapist and as a writer and wants to share that passion with others, naturally leading to founding a national organization to serve her goal. Impressive.

She then provides a brief synopsis of her book in a way that should entice the agent to want to read more. As a writer, you are offering a product. We need to see a need for your product and you only have one paragraph to hook us.

Her next paragraph addresses the market, clarifying the need for her book not only in field of writing, but in the field of psychotherapy as well. She notes a few experts in the field and documented research that’s been conducted, although, I would have preferred a more recent article to be cited in the query.

Linda then lists her relevant expertise and introduces her platform. Let me repeat this part—relevant experience. I do not need to know life stories or childhood dreams. I liked that Linda has traveled to writers' conferences, taught workshops, has been interviewed on the radio, etc. This shows to me that she’s motivated and proactive – imperative qualities to have as a published author.

Acting proactively, Linda secured prominent and relevant endorsements for her book, showing that professionals in the industry also support her work. She then touches upon the writing awards she’s won, leading me to believe that when I actually read her sample chapters, she’ll have something to say and be able to say it well.

I was looking forward to reading Becoming Whole. I did offer representation to Linda and have enjoyed working with her. Becoming Whole later sold to editor Alan Rinzler at Jossey-Bass. Becoming Whole was expanded and the result is her soon to be released book, The Power of Memoir – How to Write Your Healing Story.

Memoir | Nonfiction | Successful Queries

7/20/2009 9:14:27 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [1]

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Bernadette Baker-Baughman and "War is Boring"
Posted by Chuck

I've meant to start this new series on the blog for a while now, but am just now getting around to it. It's called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The fourth installment in this series is with agent Bernadette Baker-Baughman (Baker's Mark Literary Agency, LLC) and her author David Axe, for his graphic novel, War is Boring.

TO: info@bakersmark.com
CC:
SUBJECT: Query from graphic novelist David Axe

Dear Ms. Baker,

Street battles with spears and arrows in sweltering Dili, East Timor. Bone-jarring artillery duels between the Dutch and Taliban in the mountains of Afghanistan. Long, tedious patrols with British troops on the sandy wastes of southern Iraq. For three years war was my life. For three years I was alternately bored out of my mind … and completely terrified. It was strangely addictive.

As a military technology writer, and later a freelance correspondent for The Washington Times, C-SPAN and BBC Radio, I jetted from conflict to conflict, with only short pauses in between. While I reveled in death, danger and destruction in Lebanon, East Timor, Afghanistan, Somalia and Iraq, back in Washington, D.C. my apartment gathered dust, my plants died and my relationships with friends, family and lovers withered. I had set out to cover war believing that my reporting would make me wiser, sexier and happier. But I was blind to the violence my work was inflicting on my loved ones … and on myself.

War correspondence was expensive; physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting; and disillusioning. In late 2007 I returned from Somalia and Iraq a broken person; and, taking stock of the remains of my former life, I began the long process of rebuilding. In the summer of 2008 I returned to war, this time to Chad, where half a millions survivors of the Darfur genocide struggled to survive amid some of the most brutal conditions in the world. I had begun my sojourn as a sort of “war tourist” – politics weren’t an issue. But I ended up a deeply political man: over time my work became less about me, and more about the true victims of the world’s conflicts.

WAR IS BORING, a black and white graphic novel of around 120 pages, is about the journey through the world’s most dangerous places, en route from naïvete to contrition by way of maxed-out credit cards, broken relationships, near-death experiences and the mind-numbing boredom of waiting – and, perversely, hoping – for the next battle. It’s also about the reasons people and nations go to war, and the absurd, often comic, situations that result.

The book begins in Lebanon, continues through Okinawa, East Timor, Afghanistan, Somalia and Iraq – with layovers in Washington, D.C., at various arms bazaars across the U.S and in Detroit as I try to reconnect with my family – and ends in Chad, as I attempt to help bring some attention to the victims of the Darfur genocide.

My name is David Axe. I am the author of the graphic novel WAR FIX (NBM, 2006) and the nonfiction book ARMY 101 (USC Press, 2007). WAR FIX made Amazon’s and the ALA’s end-of-year lists for 2006, won first place for graphic novels in Foreword Magazine’s 2007 book contest and will be excerpted in Houghton-Mifflin’s America’s Best Comics for 2008. The sequel, LOVE & TERROR, will be published this year. I get a thousand unique hits a day at my blog www.warisboring.com, where some of the pages in WAR IS BORING first appeared as comic strips. I also blog for Wired and have contributed to Popular Science, The Village Voice, Salon, Good, Vice, Columbia Journalism Review and many others. I am a frequent TV and radio guest.

Artist Matt Bors’ editorial cartoons are distributed by United Feature Syndicate three times a week and appear in The Village Voice and other newspapers across the country. He draws a bi-weekly comic for the ACLU's website.

Matt and I would like to interest you in representing WAR IS BORING. We can provide a synopsis and a full illustrated chapter on request.

Cheers,

David Axe

Commentary From Bernadette

As an author, first impressions are not just important; they are critical. Since I associate being an agent to being a matchmaker for creators and publishers, I might say that a query letter is your one chance to get a first date. It is your first (and possibly only) chance to make a good impression. In the course of one letter, you can influence how someone looks at you: Are you funny, compelling, interesting? More importantly, can you write? And that impression will set the course of a possible working relationship. Before I delve into the reasons why the enclosed query was so compelling, I’d like to explain the results of this one excellent query.

On July 28, 2008 at 4:45 p.m., this query came into my general agency inbox, where I request all queries be sent. That same day, I requested that the materials be sent via e-mail, and David Axe sent along the materials the same evening. Within 48 hours, our editorial director and I had reviewed the material and were offering to represent the author and illustrator. We spent about a month working with the authors to create a proposal and polish the materials, and a month after we began shopping the book around to publishers, we had a deal with Penguin. Wow, that was easy.

Here are the nuts and bolts of what makes this a great query: You can see in the subject line that the author, David Axe, mentions that this is a graphic novel. Since I have a specialization in this area, the subject jumped out at me immediately. I wouldn’t have recognized the title of the work, and though I didn’t recognize his name, he at least had two touchstones in his subject line. Now, this particular subject line is really important because if I had opened the query without knowing that this was a graphic novel, I would have thought it as a war memoir, which is most likely not something our agency would represent. But, since Axe did mention that this is a graphic novel in the subject line, he had me at hello, so to speak.

The first paragraph was interesting but the last line of the first paragraph really clenched it for me. “For three years war was my life. For three years I was alternately bored out of my mind … and completely terrified. It was strangely addictive.”

Who is this person that finds war alternately boring and terrifying? What is his experience? What is he addicted to? This is something I really want to know more about. Now he has me, and then he immediately displays that, not only does he have credentials, but that he also has experience in media and a platform, and he is savvy enough to appear on television. Things are really looking up. As Axe spends the next two paragraph’s explaining the highlights of the story (perfect), he doesn’t forget to mention the crux, or the real tension that is driving this intimate story along:

“I had begun my sojourn as a sort of ‘war tourist’—politics weren’t an issue. But I ended up a deeply political man: over time my work became less about me, and more about the true victims of the world’s conflicts.”

This is an incredibly poignant thought and an important part of this query. In addition to sharing insight on his own personality, this sentence also shows that the author has a message to share with the reader, and his message happens to be something that resonates with me (yes, agents are humans too). But more importantly, Axe is intimately familiar with the crux of his own story. This is what will keep the readers turning pages.

In paragraph four, the author tells me what I need to know logistically: This is a black and white graphic novel of approx. 120 pages. This, in some way, provides an anchor for the query. The vision for the final book allows the agent to envision what, up to this point, is just an idea. Immediately following, Axe gives the rundown of his impressive credentials, and then instantly lets me know that he also has an illustrator (with some chops of his own) on board to draw the book. This is all shaping up to be one impressive query.

Finally, at the end of the query, the author let’s me know precisely what material he can provide me with (a synopsis and sample chapter) and gives me the details I need to contact him.

When I think about it closely, the fact that this query has not a single spare word is a real pleasure. It doesn’t begin with the line “I am an author who…” or “I am writing because…” The query speaks for the book the whole way through. If I can be this intrigued with a query, then I figure the book must be a great read.

Editor's note: War is Boring will be published by New American Library in 2010. For more information, visit warisboring.com or the Baker's Mark agency page.

Graphic Novels | Pitching | Queries and Synopses and Proposals | Successful Queries

7/14/2009 10:05:05 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [2]

Friday, July 10, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Mary Sue Seymour and "A Gift of Grace"
Posted by Chuck

I've meant to start this new series on the blog for a while now, but am just now getting around to it. It's called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The third installment in this series is with agent Mary Sue Seymour (The Seymour Agency) and her author Amy Clipston, for her book, A Gift of Grace.

Dear Ms. Seymour,

I am seeking representation for my Amish inspirational novel, A Gift of Grace, complete at 80,000 words. It is the first in my Kauffman Amish Bakery Series. The sequel, A Promise of Hope, is nearing completion, and another freestanding book featuring the same characters is in outline form.

Rebecca Kauffman's tranquil Old Order Amish life is transformed when she suddenly has custody of her two teenage nieces after her "English" sister and brother-in-law are killed in an automobile accident. Instant motherhood, after years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive a child of her own, is both a joy and a heartache. Rebecca struggles to give the teenage girls the guidance they need as well as fulfill her duties to Daniel as an Amish wife. Rebellious Jessica is resistant to Amish ways and constantly in trouble with the community. Younger sister Lindsay is caught in the middle, and the strain between Rebecca and Daniel mounts as Jessica's rebellion escalates. Instead of the beautiful family life she dreamed of creating for her nieces, Rebecca feels as if her world is being torn apart by two different cultures, leaving her to question her place in the Amish community, her marriage, and her faith in God.

I’ve visited Amish Country in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, many times and have spent extensive hours researching the spot.

A member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), I hold a degree in communications from Virginia Wesleyan College and work full-time as a public information specialist.

Thank you for your generous time. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Amy G. Clipston

Commentary From Mary Sue

The project was the perfect length and I like how word count was immediately mentioned. Also, she mentioned the book was completed - many first time authors never complete their books

It was a series and I happened to be looking for series right then.

A lot of why I loved this letter was due to her pitch. Her pitch was nicely abbreviated and proved she could write. I liked the concept and the characters from the start.

She had actually visited Amish country, which is the best way to research. I was impressed. She had a college degree, too. Although one isn't really isn't necessary, it can't hurt.

Christian Agents | Pitching | Queries and Synopses and Proposals | Successful Queries

7/10/2009 10:51:42 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [4]

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Sammie Justesen and "Over-the-Counter Natural Cures"
Posted by Chuck

The second installment in this series is with agent Sammie Justesen (Northern Lights Literary Services, LLC) and her author Shane Ellison, for his book, Over-the-Counter Natural Cures. Note from Chuck: I'll get a sample fiction query up here soon as I can.

Dear Sammie Justesen,

1. I appreciate your passion for selling. I thought you'd be interested in my work as a rogue drug chemist turned consumer health advocate.

2. Americans are under attack. Obesity, lethargy, depression, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer are a ghastly epidemic in our country. And all these serious health issues can be attributed to a lack of nutrients. How severe is this problem? According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 90% of Americans are nutrient deficient. Armed with little more than "symptom masking drugs," Western Medicine is powerless against the onslaught.

3. The Wal-Mart Cure: Ten Lifesaving Supplements for Under $10 will teach Americans how to easily and inexpensively avoid being nutrient deficient by using key nutritional supplements that are readily available on the shelves of Wal-Mart.

4. Americans spend $6 billion a year looking for the "right supplement," often basing their health decisions on hype and false advertising. They use overpriced, ineffective, and even dangerous products and wonder, "What the hell am I supposed to take?" The Wal-Mart Cure reveals the answer and shows readers how to:
•    Replace prescription drugs with supplements
•    Ensure proper dose for best efficacy and safety
•    Choose the best time to administer (chrononutrition)
•    Avoid dangerous drug/supplement interactions
•    Combine nutritional supplements with healthy diet and lifestyle habits
Studies show that the proper use of nutritional supplements could save a whopping $3 billion in prescription drug costs annually. The Wal-Mart Cure will not only protect Americans from diabetes, cardiovascular disease, or even cancer. It will also protect their bank accounts from Big Pharma.

5. Known to my readers as "The People's Chemist," I am an award-winning scientist and a prominent health professional with a master's degree in organic chemistry. I write health advocacy articles (thepeopleschemist.com) that reach over 400,000 readers monthly. I have written Health Myths Exposed and The Hidden Truth About Cholesterol Lowering Drugs and co-authored 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health with Dr. Joseph Mercola and Dr. Julian Whitaker.

6. The Wal-Mart Cure - a 6x9, nonfiction book with 11 chapters and nearly 60,000 words/200 pages - will be the first of a 3-part "People's Chemist" series that will target not only Wal-Mart shoppers but millions of diabetics and athletes. To follow are The Wal-Mart Cure for Diabetics and The Wal-Mart Cure for Athletes.

7. My proposal is available upon request.

Sincerely,
Shane Ellison, M.Sc.

Commentary From Sammie

Why I swallowed the hook:

This is a great letter, and Shane Ellison’s proposal lived up to the promise of his query. I found a publisher for his project within six weeks. Let’s dissect this winning letter one paragraph at a time:

Paragraph 1: Shane uses my name, instead of “Dear Agent.” His opening salvo implies he’s familiar with my work, but he doesn’t go overboard and slather me with false compliments. I love the way he describes himself as “a rogue drug chemist turned consumer health advocate.” This tells me he has a sense of humor and doesn’t take himself too seriously. He writes with a confident voice that grabs me right away.

Paragraph 2: Shane outlines the problem his book will address, using valid statistics. Because I’m a nurse, the health topic interests me – and I know he did his homework to find my interests. I like his first sentence, “Americans are under attack.”

Paragraph 3: Shane introduces the title of his book and describes what it’s about in one sentence (a logline). His title is clever (though he wasn't able to use it for legal reasons), and expresses what’s in the book. By the way, vague, boring titles are a turn-off. I asked myself, “How is this book different than other books about health supplements?” The title answers that question: The Wal-Mart Cure shows us how to fine cheap, effective supplements at discount stores. Shane will tap into a market of consumers who don’t like to shop at expensive health food stores and want to get rid of their prescription drugs.

Paragraph 4: Shane elaborates on why his book is needed, then uses bullet points to summarize exactly how he’ll help readers. Who doesn’t want to be healthier and save money at the same time? But again I’m wondering – how will he sell this book against so much competition?

Paragraph 5: Shane answers my question when he presents his qualifications. I’m thrilled to see he’s building a platform now (400,000 readers), instead of waiting until the book comes out. These days, publishers expect authors to develop web sites, create blogs, and build a marketing base upfront. When I read the titles of Shane’s previous books I checked online and found they were self published. This might have turned me off, but I saw how he used the books to gain an audience.   Even better – Shane has already branded himself as “The People’s Chemist.” Good for him! With that personal brand, he’s reaching out to folks who shop at discount stores and believe expensive prescription drugs are a rip-off.   Shane knows his audience.

Paragraph 6: In closing, Shane provides a word count for his book, although he forgot to mention when it will be finished. The word count is within acceptable limits, which isn’t always the case with authors. I’m glad to see Shane has two follow-up books in mind.

Closing: Shane remembers to ask for what he wants – he’d like to send me the proposal. I’m relieved to know he has one, because some nonfiction writers get things backwards and send queries before writing their proposals. Other writers sign off without telling me what they want. I’ve actually had to contact people and ask, “Are you looking for representation, or just announcing your book?”

Shane’s credentials are impressive, his letter is well organized, and his voice sounds confident. He’s out there branding himself and working on a platform instead of waiting for someone to sell the book for him. His professional attitude tells me we’ll work well together.

Book Note: I sold Shane’s project to Peter Lynch at Sourcebooks. Watch for it in bookstores this fall (2009). On a personal note, my husband and I are taking the supplements and getting great results from Shane’s book.

Nonfiction | Successful Queries

7/1/2009 2:19:33 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [0]

Monday, June 22, 2009

Successful Queries: Agent Michelle Wolfson and "Timing is Everything"
Posted by Chuck

I've meant to start this new series on the blog for a while now, but am just now getting around to it.

It's called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents. In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.

The first installment of this series is with agent Michelle Wolfson, and her client, Mark Di Vincenzo, and his book, Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon: A Guide to the Best Time to Buy This, Do That and Go There.

Dear Ms. Wolfson,

Have you ever wanted to know the best day of the week to buy groceries or go out to dinner? Have you ever wondered about the best time of day to send an email or ask for a raise? What about the best time of day to schedule a surgery or a haircut? What’s the best day of the week to avoid lines at the Louvre? What’s the best day of the month to make an offer on a house? What’s the best time of day to ask someone out on a date?

My book, Timing is Everything: A Guide to the Best Time to Buy This, Do That and Go There, has the answers to these questions and hundreds more.

As a long-time print journalist, I’ve been privy to readership surveys that show people can’t get enough of newspaper and magazine stories about the best time to buy or do things. This book puts several hundreds of questions and answers in one place -- a succinct, large-print reference book that readers will feel like they need to own. Why? Because it will save them time and money, and it will give them valuable information about issues related to health, education, travel, the workplace and more. In short, it will make them smarter, so they can make better decisions.

Best of all, the information in this book is relevant to anyone, whether they live in Virginia or the Virgin Islands, Portland, Oregon, or Portland, Maine. In fact, much of the book will find an audience in Europe, Australia and Latin America.

I‘ve worked as a journalist since 1984 and have made a name for myself as someone who exposes wrongs, such as rampant abuses at mental hospitals and decades of neglect by government agencies that monitor the environment. I've won numerous awards, competing against reporters from The Washington Post, The Washington Times, the Associated Press, the Richmond-Times Dispatch and The (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot. In 1999, the Virginia Press Association created an award for the best news writing portfolio in the state – the closest thing Virginia had to a reporter-of-the-year award. I won it that year and then again in 2000. The next year I beat out reporters from The Charlotte Observer and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution to win the Southern Environmental Law Center’s first-place journalism award. I then became metro editor at a 100,000-circulation newspaper in Newport News, Va. Over the years, I’ve honed my long-form writing skills by doing magazine cover stories and writing short stories. During the summer of 2007, I left newspapering to pursue book projects and long-form journalism.

I saw your name on a list of top literary agents for self-help books, and I read on your Web site that you're interested in books that offer practical advice. Timing Is Everything offers plenty of that. Please let me know if you'd like to read my proposal.

Sincerely,
Mark Di Vincenzo

Commentary from Michelle:

This query caught my attention and I requested it less than 3 hours after I received it. I’m pleased to say that Mark became my client and his book, with the new title Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon: A Guide to the Best Time to Buy This, Do That, and Go There will be coming out from Harper Collins in October.

I loved the opening to Mark’s query. I tend to prefer it when authors jump right into the heart of their book, the exception being if we’ve met at a conference or have some other personal connection. Otherwise, it’s safe to assume I know you are looking for representation and I like to get down to business.

Mark chose clever questions for the opening of the query. All of those questions are in fact relevant to my life—with groceries, dinner, e-mail, and a raise—and yet I don’t have a definitive answer to them. Then the next paragraph he got a little more offbeat and unusual with questions regarding surgery, the Louvre, buying a house and dating. This showed a quirkier side to the book and also the range of topics it was going to cover. So I knew right away there was going to be a mix of useful and quirky information on a broad range of topics.

The next sentence was great. By starting with “As a long-time print journalist,” Mark immediately established his credibility for writing on this topic. While I needed more—which he provided later—this was great to know right away that he had experience researching topics. And the second half of that sentence helped show that there is a market for this book. This established the need for such a book.

And what do you know? Mark had the solution! A book that answers that need. And he does, in the rest of that paragraph. I think he could have shortened it a drop maybe to “…hundreds of questions and answers with valuable information about issues related to…” I would also be careful not to be too specific about how you envision the final book, and this is something I am always changing with authors in their proposals, since if editors see it differently, you may turn them off by having such a rigid format already described. Why large print? Who knows. I would not put that in a query.

Mark’s next paragraph is interesting because I like it if an author can describe his target audience. However, when most authors say their audience is everyone, as many do, I pretty much automatically reject it. And even as I type this, a query comes in for a YA vampire novel that will, “find a market in most reading ages, similar to the first couple Harry Potter books.” But Mark’s book really does have broad market appeal and he made his point based on a regional basis rather than age, although I think it cuts both ways in this particular case. But keep in mind this is a reference book—and facts are facts and they really do apply to all people.

Mark’s bio paragraph is a little on the long side but offers a lot of good information. Again, I think a journalist is the perfect background for this kind of book since being an expert on any one thing wouldn’t help; you really need to be an expert in researching information and delivering it in an entertaining readable fashion. Overall, I felt I gleaned enough information to feel confident that we could present Mark’s platform in an impressive enough manner to find a publisher.

I liked Mark’s final paragraph, of course, since it’s all about me! Seriously though, it is nice when I feel like an author has sought me out specifically and thinks we would be a good fit. Here I am saying Mark is going to be doing a research heavy book and he has taken the time to research agents as well and has personalized his query with a little flattery thrown in. Always a nice touch.

Of course, now that I’m looking at the query with an eye towards critiquing the query itself, I will comment on the little nitpicky things that I notice, but wouldn’t necessarily stop me from requesting something. Since I just mentioned personalization, I’ll say that on closer inspection, I noticed that the "Dear Ms. Wolfson," is in a different font than the rest of the query. Now I don’t expect you to send me an exclusive query; in fact, I hate them since I then feel pressured to respond right away when that’s not how I generally work if I’m not interested. But you could at least make me feel like you’ve typed it out just for me, and a different font calls attention to a writer's admirable, yet meant to be secret, time-saving methods.

Nonfiction | Pitching | Queries and Synopses and Proposals | Successful Queries

6/22/2009 3:05:32 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

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