Guide to Literary Agents - Cover Band Venting

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'You Got to Fight For Your Right'

Chuck — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:03:20 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "You Got to Gight For Your Right (to Party)" by The Beastie Boys at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

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Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Blister in the Sun'

Chuck — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:50:19 GMT

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Blister in the Sun" by The Violent Femmes at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Bar Owner Demands We Play 'Rocky Top'; Calls Us A-Holes When We Cannot

Chuck — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:20:32 GMT

And now: The continuing ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band.

This is a simple story yet a good one. One of the first bars we ever played at was a real dive. I guess techinically it was classified as a "sports bar," and I suppose that category garnered more respect in the Yellow Pages than, oh say, "crap-hole." We had all kinds of problems at this bar - all because of the owner, who was a nice enough guy at 9 p.m., but drunk as hell come the witching hour. He was the type of guy who, when he talked to you, immediately gave off this vibe like "No young smartypants college boy is gonna tell me how to do anything!"

The first time we played there, he stumbled up to us and requested "some Rocky Top!" If you don't know what this song is, you probably don't watch college football nor live anywhere near the South. It's a well-known southern song that the University of Tennessee has adopted as its football fight song. We told Mr. Bar Owner that, no, we don't have any banjo players in the band at this juncture, nor did we even know the first chord of the song. He walked away murmuring something under his breath. Anyway - whatever, things didn't really boil over until the next show.

So we're back at the bar a few weeks later and, hell's bells, the bar owner zig-zags up to us and asks us if we learned the song yet. We say no. Then he says a new bride and groom just came in (what the hell they were doing there only God knows), and offered to spend an additional $300 at the bar if the band could play "Rocky Top." It was an interesting scenario, but we still said the same thing: "Sorry, man - no can do." It was somewhere around this moment that Mr. Bar Owner just blew a gasket and called us A-holes and idiots and other stuff along those lines. Somehow, we were never invited back to play.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Alive' by Pearl Jam

Chuck — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 00:12:36 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Alive" by Pearl Jam at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

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Cover Band Soap Opera: We Need a New Song - You Choose!

Chuck — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:22:27 GMT

It's that time again - time to pick some new songs for my cover band to learn. That said, I need some guidance in making my next pick. Below you will find four "finalists" for our next song to learn. I need an informal vote on which one to choose, and YOU are the voters.

Remember that there are four criteria upon which to judge these songs:

      1. Awesomeness. Is it awesome? How awesome?
      2. Danceability. This is key. Songs have to get the ladies dancing. If the ladies do not dance, then the men do not dance, and hence we do not have a dance floor. Bar managers = miffed.
      3. Widespread Appeal. Will the song push some people off the dance floor? Do younger peeps in their 20s even know Eddie Money songs?
      4. Chuck Looking Cool Playing Guitar. You must weigh the first three against if there are cool guitar riffs and licks that I can wail on. I'm talking guitar riffs that go SCREE-DIDDLEY-DEE and then I shoot the audience a "Can you dig it?" look.

THE FINALISTS:

1. "Take Me Home Tonight," by Eddie Money
2. "Hey Jealousy," by The Gin Blossoms
3. "Crazy Game of Poker," by OAR
4. "A medley of Rolling Stones songs - snippets of "Start Me Up," "Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Satisfaction," and "Paint it Black."

What song should I pick? Leave a comment (and, if you like, make a case).

Cover Band Soap Opera: Def Leppard's 'Pour Some Sugar on Me'

Chuck — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 22:31:12 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Lep at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

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Cover Band Soap Opera: Poison's 'Talk Dirty to Me'

Chuck — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:10:30 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up on us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right side of the stage.

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Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Use Somebody' Debut = Disaster; Redemption Comes at End of Night

Chuck — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:16:10 GMT

We started our last show early - 9 p.m. We were expecting to have not a whole lot of people milling around. What we weren't prepared for was a whopping three dudes in the audience. (It just goes to show you that playing later is always better.)

So, with three dudes in the audience, we decide to premiere "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. Let me ask you something: Have you ever seen a cover band stop in the middle of a song? Didn't think so. Well, we started playing the song and this train just came off the rails. I'm talking No Man's Land here. So somewhere near the guitar solo, we just stopped the song and laughed. A look out to the audience revealed ... zero listeners. We drove off the three paying customers. Awesome.

The night goes on and the people start to come in. We're having fun. Gulp. First drink goes down. Gulp. Second one, too. Then we start to discuss playing "Use Somebody" a second time and getting it right. For some reason, our lead singer mentions our idea to the bar owner, who responds by personally asking us NOT to play the song again for fear it will drive away the crowd.

OK, Mr. Bar Owner - we got ya, no problem. Gulp. Third drink. Gulp. Fourth is delicious. Hmmm - starting to rethink plan. We all agree: Yeah, we're letting this baby loose. It's time for round two. So, for our last song, we let "Use Somebody" fly again. It. Was. Awesome. It probably wasn't perfect, but in our mind it was. So what's the moral here? Alcohol solves all ills? Kings of Leon unites the world? Cover band guitarists rock? Just the first two? I'm still working it out.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Trip Down Memory Lane; Were You a Band Geek Too?

Chuck — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:42:29 GMT

I'm lucky to have my rock cover band because it gives me an outlet for music in my life. But the cover band is just the latest outlet. It all started with, you guessed it, high school band. Marching band, concert band, jazz band - you name it.

Were you a bando, too? If you were, you do know that we are like fraternal brethren - kinda like cops, right? OK, just checking. I went to a high school football game on Friday and this cool band did their thing at halftime. I was awash with memories. Band is a year-round thing, and it dominated my life for almost six years. Six. Glorious. Years.

s

Lower brass rocks the house.
And to answer your question,
yes, I can only read bass clef.

Cover Band Soap Opera: I'm Reminded of 'Like a Virgin' Scene in Reservoir Dogs

Chuck — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:05:37 GMT

My cover band had back to back awesome shows these last two nights. Thursday was great because the Bengals won, and the crowd was in a festive mood because of that. And Friday was fun, too. The new drummer is getting acquainted, and all is well.

So here it is, Saturday afternoon, and I sit down with my acoustic to strum a little Jack & Diane when ... I can't.

My fingertips hurt. Wait - WHA?

You talk to anyone who's learning to play the guitar and they all say the same damn thing. "My fingertips are killing me! How do you press down on the strings so hard?" I just say "Stop whining and keep playing because you'll have callouses soon." But here I am, the day after two shows, and my fingertips are killing me.

Remember Mr. Brown's explanation of "Like a Virgin" in Reservoir Dogs? Well I feel like that right now. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. And I feel like a guitar virgin, and I'm 13 years old again.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Loses Voice at Show; Anarchy Ensues

Chuck — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 19:27:01 GMT

If you've ever listened to my cover band play, you know that our lead singer has a decently cool voice. He's got good vocal range, and his voice has that grungy edge to it that makes our Nirvana and STP covers that much cooler. And all this is leading to my next point: He completely lost his voice about six songs in (out of 50) at our show last night.

Disaster.

You ask: "So, Chuck ... what happens when the lead singer loses his voice at a show?" Well, I'll tell you. Chaos. Absolute chaos happens. First we tuned down our guitars a whole step to help him. Then I started to sing every song with him to supplement his voice. Then the bassist started singing as well. All the songs became big, rowdy shout-em-outs instead of musical melodies. When we realized Plan A sucked, we started inviting people up to sing with us (Plan B). What we lost in musical quality, we tried desperately to regain in theatrics. Well, that didn't work so well so we went to Plan C. End the damn night early.

The lead singer

Dude. Disaster. But it was definitely a memorable show. There's no way this show will just fade away in my mind. We jammed on "Hang on Sloopy", had various guest singers, witnessed a fight outside the bar, and had a new enthusiastic soundman who kept pumping us up. Never a dull moment.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Parrotheads' Attack the Stage; Crazy Buffett Fan Hits My Keyboard Repeatedly Without Invitation

Chuck — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:36:44 GMT

We were playing a show the other day on the river and got word mid-show that a ferry was bringing a ton of people over after the Jimmy Buffett concert ended.

Score.

The Buffett fans arrived en masse later in the night and a gaggle of drunken people immediately rushed up on stage to dance while we were jamming on "I Love Rock and Roll." Now - like I've written about before, having people onstage is cool and all, but it poses significant risks in terms of equipment damage. Not only that, but you may notice our musicianship goes down drastically when people are onstage because we are so busy trying to keep everything in order that we tend to forget things like guitar licks, shaping a musical phrase or backup vocals.

That said, definitely - definitely - the best part of the night was this: We were on the next song and I started to hear wrong notes. Someone was playing wrong notes randomly. I looked at the bassist and he was confused, too. So then I look behind me at all the dancing people and there is this one really big dude with sunglasses dressed in a ridiculous sailor costume just hitting the keyboard repeatedly. He was bobbing his head and this fake wig was going with the beat.

I was like "DUDE. Stop!" He obviously couldn't hear me, because his response was, "Yeah, man! This is AWESOME!"

So I push my way through some dancing people onstage, still playing my guitar at the same time, and unplug the keyboard power with one yank of a cord. The guy just still hit those keys and danced for like 10 minutes after that.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Drummer Quits; New Drummer Joins Band Version 2.0

Chuck — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:31:46 GMT

It was a long time coming, but our drummer has finally given his official resignation and left the band. The guy was burnt out on playing covers for some time and it was only a question of when.

It all kinda came to a head a few weeks ago at a show. It was 2 a.m. and we ended the show with "Zombie" by The Cranberries, as we always do. The crowd started yelling for an encore, so we were set to oblige, naturally. But the drummer just got up and refused to play an encore. This is a guy, who, when he's made up his mind, he's made up his mind, know what I mean? So he and the lead singer get into another shouting match onstage all about this encore debacle. At that point, we realized it was over. Sigh.

BUT - the good news is: We have signed New Drummer, who looks to be very cool. We put an ad out on Craigslist and got about 20 inquiries. We interviewed five personally (jamming with them) and ended up going with a guy who had very little gear or contacts, but he was just a great guy who seemed easy to get along with and into our rock cover style of music. We'll see how the whole thing goes. I will keep ya posted.

The lead singer and I at a show.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Monsoon Wrecks Outdoor Gig; Soaked Bandmembers Sent Home

Chuck — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:15:16 GMT

So the bassist and I are talking by cell phone, both staring at Weather.com. We agree: It's going to storm all night. We shouldn't play out usual Thursday gig on the river (outdoors, naturally). The bassist calls the venue only for the venue to explain that they, too, were looking at the radar and everything appeared A-OK, so the band should arrive and set up as normal.

Uh ... what radar are YOU looking at, Mr. Bar Owner? The one on SUPER-Weather.com?

Ugh. So the band arrives as usual and sets up the gear. It's 9:35 and I am sound-checking my guitar. Everything sounds good; strings are in tune, etc. That's when I notice the drummer is staring at something. I follow his stare and look down the Ohio River. Around 500 yards down the river, everything just disappears. Just nothing there. I mean, I kind of equate it to the novel The Neverending Story, and when the characters were looking at nothing - just nothing at all.

"Is that fog?" I ask.

"No man, that's rain," the drummer replies. "That's the storm."

A man from the bar runs up to the stage. "Please tell me you guys have tarps - because there is a red supercell right above us! TAKE COVER!!!" We barely had time to simply unplug everything and BAM - it hit, and it hit fast and big. Those loud raindrops. Rain coming in sideways. It came in one way, then the other way. Wind. The PA got wet. They keyboard got wet. The cords got wet. The mixer got wet. The guitars got wet. The mics were wet. Everything ... just soaked. We threw up a tarp to stop rain coming in one way and the Wind Gods quickly nailed us from the other side. Absolute. Disaster.

The lead singer surveys the scene. "I say we plug in and play!" he says. The band just looks at each other.

"We'll play the instruments if you plug everything back in," I say.

He picks up some soaked plugs and electrical gear. "Nah, let's just go home."

So we did.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Falsely Tells Crowd I Love Hanson; I Am Not Amused

Chuck — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 18:20:33 GMT

Had a good show last night down on the river. It's fun to place outdoors in the summertime. At least, it was fun until our lead singer went into bozo mode.

It all went down like this: Two girls approached the stage and said it was their birthday. Their song request? "Mmm Bop" by Hanson. Me, the bassist, and the drummer all immediately say, "No way." Lead singer, being the wild card that he is, then announces to the entire audience that we will now play "Mmm Bop." The rest of the band, including me, crosses our arms in defiance. Our message is clear: If you wanna sing the song, Mr. Lead Singer, you're on your own. Good luck!

So he starts to sing the song alone, and, naturally, it sounds empty and awful. The crowd is trying to help, but it's still terrible. Feeling bad, I just hit a chord. I don't know how to play the song so I just hit a D major. It sounds right. So I just blankly hit the next chord - G major. That's right, too. Hmmm. I attempt all four chords of the chorus and, somehow someway, they're all the correct chords. Crowd kinda digs it. Birthday girls are happy. Success. I sheepishly smile.

Our little jam ends and that's when the lead singer quickly tells everyone that I actually play the song all the time and it's probably my favorite song ever and the only song on my I-Pod. I try to manage a weak comeback into my mic but only stammer for a moment, making things worse. Desperate, I scream at the drummer to start "Dani California" already so people will forget about this Hanson debacle. He smirks and starts.

That is the last - the last time - I ever try to help out on an awful request.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Four Things I've Learned as a Cover Band Guitarist

Chuck — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:44:21 GMT

1. Letting that one drunk guy onstage to sing "Mr. Jones" is a recipe for disaster.
        You all know the guy I'm talking about. He's the one who keeps blurting out requests for 90s rock hits that will remind him of simpler times.
        Early on, we'd invite this guy onstage because he bought us shots, or because he was an acquaintance of so-and-so, or just because we were truly afraid of him smashing our equipment when we said no. Guys like this usually sing the first verse fine - but about 60 seconds in, the guy blanks on recalling lyrics and laughs awkwardly into the microphone, sometimes reverting some free-flow scatting just to say something out loud ("SKEE-BOP-DIDDLEY-DEE!").

2. Inviting those drunk girls onstage to dance is recipe for disaster.
        Onstage is a jungle of cords, plugs, pedals, monitors and amps. Concerning the girls: They come onstage - usually in clusters, usually pretty tipsy. And as they're walking up, that's right about the time the band notices they're all wearing 14-inch heels, and they're drunk and stumbling, and they're all holding mixed drinks just begging to be spilled on a large surge protector. Even if we do get the girls to put their drinks down, that just makes them want to play our instruments and grab the mics.

3. No matter how many times somebody requests it - and no matter how much money someone offers to give us - we still cannot play a song we don't know.
        "Hey, can you play Sweet Caroline?"
        "Sorry, man - we don't know it"
        "Aw, but my girl really wants to hear that song! You sure you can't play it?"
        "Pretty sure."
        "What if I, like, bought you guys all shots?"
        "We just don't know the song. I'm sorry."
        "DUDE. I'M TRYING TO GET LAID. BE A PAL!"

4. Whatever happens musically, if we act like it was all part of the plan, everything turns out fine.
        We can start into a song by The Killers and miss half the notes, while the drummer comes in late cause he's swigging some beer - but as long as our lead singer points at the crowd, makes a Billy Idol lip sneer and screams "Oh yeah!", then no one is the wiser.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Biggest Show of the Year Goes Awesome, Though Lead Singer Insults Catholic Parish's Choice of Beer Provider

Chuck — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:52:37 GMT

My cover band had its biggest show of the year last weekend. It was one of those things where we were playing for a few thousand people and our amps were cranked to 11 and, like Alan Shepard, we were like "Please don't let us #$%& up."

Thankfully, things went very well. Our wild card lead singer did an amazing job of holding back on "sensitive" lyrics where need be at the Catholic Parish Festival. Our only low point came when the lead singer held up his bottle of Miller Lite (the beer provider for the event) and remarked that he was amazed anyone actually drank it - calling himself "a beer snob."

To just put the icing on the cake, when the set ended and we went to get drinks, he remarked that he was flat broke and needed $3 for another Miller Light. Must be pretty hard being a beer snob when you got moths in your pockets.

Pictures below for your enjoyment.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Biggest Show of the Year Approaches; Bandmates Cannot Agree on a Day to Practice Beforehand

Chuck — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 02:06:34 GMT

Biggest show of the year coming up for my cover band - and coming up fast.

This Friday, we are the lead Friday night band for a huge Catholic parish festival in a Cincinnati suburb here. I had to go through the set list and remove any songs that had questionable content. And then there are some songs that have questionable content, but are older and so beloved that no one seems to notice.

ARE WE GOING TO PLAY?:

                          You Shook Me All Night Long? YES
                          Bad Bad Girlfriend? NO
                          Sex on Fire? NO
                          Pour Some Sugar on Me? YES
                          Feel Like Makin' Love? YES
                          Fat-Bottomed Girls? YES
                          American Idiot? NO
                          Stacy's Mom? NO
                          Gives You Hell? NO

Anyway, despite the fact that our biggest show of the year (more than likely) is coming up in a mere five days, we couldn't agree on a day to practice this week becuase of everyone's schedules. Geez Louise. Like that isn't a bad decision? Nonetheless, I will be working my fingers to the bone this week to be ready for the show this weekend.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Don't Mess With Kim, Our Sound Tech

Chuck — Sun, 03 May 2009 18:36:51 GMT

At my last cover band show, we had a crazy drunk guy who was pretty out of control. Unfortunately, our lead singer thought it wise to let Mr. Drunk up onstage early on to sing a few words of a song. This turned out to be a god-awful decision, because then Mr. Drunk wanted to be onstage all the time. At one point, he even came up, released some primordial roar, then flailed and hit my microphone stand, which then toppled onto my guitar effects pedal, and all of a sudden I wasn't playing with distortion any longer. The whole thing just turned in a little Mousetrap-esque nightmare.

Anyway, the most interesting part of the whole ordeal was when Mr. Drunk came too close to our PA sound system. That's when Kim, our small yet dangerous sound tech, proceeded to shove him about ten feet away with a simple flick of her arms. It was good to see her protecting our gear with such zeal, but then also humbling to know to she could destroy me at any time with her ninja skills.

This is Kim. Mess with our
sound board, and she will
scissor-kick you.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer and I Crash Acoustic Stage; Declare We're Playing a Second Song

Chuck — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:42:41 GMT

Man, it's amazing what you can do and get if you simply say that it's your birthday. Example: My cover band lead singer and I were at a smaller bar in a college town recently and the entertainment was a guy with an acoustic guitar who was playing popular singalong hits.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could get onstage and bust some stuff out?" my lead singer asks.
        I smile. "We can, man."
        "No way." He shakes his head. "Dudes like this never let someone cameo onstage."
        "Oh yeah? Watch and learn"

I just walked up to the performer, who we will call Mr. Acoustic, and told him 1) it was my friend's birthday, 2) my friend wanted to sing, 3) I could play the guitar while he sang, and 4) my friend COULD sing and would not be an embarrassment. The dude said, "Come on up."

Score.

It all started well. We played "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers and the college kids ate it up. People just love that damn song. Anyway, the song ends, and I hit the A Major chord and the crowd cheers. Mr. Acoustic claps and smiles and starts to walk back up as if to say "Good job, guys ... now gimme back my guitar."

And then the lead singer does what he always does: something ridiculous. He grabs the mic and says "Who wants to hear ANOTHER one?" Mr. Acoustic is kinda baffled. I'm like, "Hey man, we should get offstage." The lead singer tells the crowd that some "Sex on Fire" is coming up, hot and fresh! (For another story about the lead singer's fetish with this Kings of Leon song in question, click here.)

So now there's confusion all around, as the lead singer has just announced us playing a song that I can't perform on an acoustic guitar (lots of weird bending), and we haven't gotten permission to play. The crowd is now getting antsy. So we're in a pickle, right? WRONG. I had foreseen this scenario because I know the lead singer is a loose cannon. So I bust into the two chords of Sublime's "What I Got". The crowd quickly digs it, the lead singer is satisfied, and Mr. Acoustic actually comes up the mic to sing it together with the lead singer.

Synergy.

The lead singer even backs off the mic, motioning for Mr. Acoustic to take the reins and sing it himself. It came off as slightly magnanimous after all that nonsense.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer So Anxious to Sing One Song That He Cuts Prior Song Way Short

Chuck — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:57:08 GMT

The lead singer of my cover band once described himself as "vain." From my point of view, it's hard to argue with that. For a case in point, let me take you back to a recent show. It was late in the night, and the next song on the set list was "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet. Just before we begin the song, he turns away from the crowd and pleads for us to instead substitute "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon instead.

The band quickly votes no. Why? Because we just played Sex on Fire like 90 minutes ago in the night.

So why would the lead singer want to play the song again? Simple. He sings that song very well and that makes him look cool with the ladies. The man's got a great rock voice, but on some songs in particular, he's got an outstanding rock voice - and that Kings of Leon song is one of them.

So the band quickly votes 3-1 in favor of sticking to the original plan, but little did we all know that the lead singer was cooking up a plan of his own. We start in on the Jet song, and everything's fine. Then, about 1:20 (halfway) through the song, there is a pause in the music, and the singer is supposed to say "Are you gonna be my girl?" Instead, he takes the mic and announces that the band will now play "Sex on Fire."

Boom. In your face, bandmates.

I hate it when he does that. If he wants to play something, he simply announces to the crowd that it's coming next. Pretty hard to argue then. So I have to apologize to anyone in the crowd who was digging that Jet song, because we just stopped playing halfway through and started in on Sex on Fire ... again.

But his voice did sound great on that song, I suppose. Sigh.

Cover Band Show Postponed; Weekend Plans Collapsing; Just Me and the Dog

Chuck — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:39:26 GMT

Ugh. My band's show for this weekend was postponed because some guy at some bar wrote down wrong dates for when we were supposed to play. Buzzkill. And to think, we were just about to premiere "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects as well as "I Hate My Life" by Theory of a Dead Man. (We would have rocked those suckers.)

To quote the little Lebowski: "Bummer, man. Bummer."

Making things more complicated is my wife's short business retreat, which leaves me solely in charge of taking care of the fluffy mess that is our dog, Graham. And by "taking care of him," I mean, I live my life as normal and he presses his fat fluffy face against the front window for two days straight waiting for his mom to return.

The dog on the left is ours.
His name is Graham, and his
cuteness, lovableness, fluffiness
and flabbiness are off the charts.
Good thing he has the looks,
because the smarts? Not so much.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Blanks; Praises Non-Existant Band

Chuck — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:53:14 GMT

My cover band usually plays three sets of music, with about 16-18 songs in each set. The set list is always in flux - new songs added, old songs taken away, stuff mixed and matched, etc. BUT - we always (always!) end with the same song: "Zombie" by the Cranberries. We have since our first show in that tiny podunk bar a year and a half ago, and we still do today.

So it came as quite a surprise when, at a recent show, our lead singer grabbed the mic and said, "Welll ... Thanks for coming out ... This is our last one of the night ... This is a little tune by THE ZOMBIES!"

The Zombies? Take that man's ninth beer away.

On another note, how great is the song "Zombie" for real? Jesus, I love that song. It can be the worst show or the best show, but when we wrap up with that, we are start jumping around.

IN YOUR HEAAAAD.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Screams the Word 'Snatchypoo' Into the Microphone; Crowd Understandably Perplexed

Chuck — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:19:48 GMT

Our lead singer is a peculiar fellow. The man says whatever is on his mind and doesn't bother to consider anything like, oh, ramifications, or say - if a woman will smack him in the face after hearing his words. Despite this lack of reason or a verbal filter, he still manages to attract the ladies at an amazing rate. I have no idea how he does it, but they just gravitate to him - every single gig. All this brings me to a recent show and one strange word that was released into the world.

So we're just playing our set, right ... and we wrap up a song, and then our lead singer grabs the mic and drunkenly says "OHHHH SNATCHYPOO!"

Try to imagine this for a second. You're at a bar, drinking some drink, and the band wraps up a little Jimmy Eat World with a sweeping D Major chord. And then the lead singer of the cover band yells this word at 110 decibels.

Why would anyone in their right mind say this? Well, the word itself came about in practice. When we would rehearse a new song and lock it down, the lead singer would say we had "snatched it up" and "put it in our pocket." Over the course of several months, those phrases slowly got boiled down to the simple, caveman-like "Snatchypoo." So it came around in practice, and it in practice it should have stayed, for the love of God and Jesus. But he felt the need to share it with the world, and, for a moment, make us other band mambers wish we could open a magic Snickers bar and be transported to somewhere, anywhere else. Understandably, the crowd was mystified as to what the hell was going on.

You cannot control this man. We can only hope to put out the fires quickly.

"Hey, ladies..."

Cover Band Soap Opera: I Decide Not To Play 'The Joker (Space Cowboy)'; Bandmates Red-Faced With Anger

Chuck — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:39:27 GMT

We had a show last night (and actually have another tonight, as a matter of fact). So we're in the middle of the third set, and our drummer kicks off "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band. Having had several drinks, and thinking these drinks have entitled me to pretty much do what I want, I spontaneously decide NOT TO PLAY - but rather to go out into the crowd and dance while the singer, bassist and drummer carry the tune.

Now - if you're ever listened to this famous Steve Miller song, you know that it can survive very well without the guitar. And plus, I sometimes go out into the crowd and dance when the band plays "No Woman No Cry." So, a little harmless dancing never hurt my cover band. No big deal, right?

Wrong. Band = not so happy (read: jealous of awesomeness). Lead singer just keeps shooting me ridiculous looks, trying to sing the sweet sounds of Steve Miller and communicate "What the hell are you doing, Chuck?" at the same time. It was great. Drove the singer completely crazy.

Anyway ... he forgot the incident easily enough. Onward.

Before I decided to leave the stage and dance.

Cover Band Soap Opera: I Suggest Canceling Some Shows; Bandmates Suggest I'm the Antichrist

Chuck — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:33:26 GMT

Song we're working on right now: New Age Girl (Mary Moon) by Dead Eye Dick.

Comedian Darrell Hammond once joked that there are certain arguments where you can just sense will end very badly. For example, he said, if your wife comes up to you and asks how her outfit looks, "do you 1) lie and say it looks fantastic? 2) tell the truth and say not really, honey? or 3) go straight to the closet to get some protective headgear?"

Well I just called up my cover band bandmates and suggested we pull out of two shows because the schedule was getting pretty busy, and you would think I just kicked the soft underbelly of a defenseless dog. They were p*ssed! I just requested the dates off from the venue in question, so we'll see if they even give them to us, in the first place.

Old School Rap Medley Decision ... and the Hunt for Catholic Parish Festivals

Chuck — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:31:51 GMT

Well, I put out an APB for a good old-school rap song to include in an old-school rap medley. We got a bunch of good suggestions, and we ended up going with Tone Loc's "Wild Thing," which you can see here on YouTube, if for some reason the (awesome) song doesn't ring a bell. Thanks for your suggestions. I think Tone Loc will fit very nicely with MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Six Mix a Lot, and Run DMC.

Band sidenote: If you happen to be Catholic like me, and are part of organizing a Catholic parish festival this summer somewhere near Cincinnati, please feel free to look over our stuff/website. We just got the contract for our first one this year, and love to get the crowds dancing at festivals. Fun fun fun.

The great Tone Loc.

Looking for an Old-School Rap Song Suggestion for a Cover Band Medley

Chuck — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:46:49 GMT

So my cover band is putting together an "Old School Rap Medley" to feature older rap from the late 80s and early 90s - mostly songs that were fairly bad yet incredibly popular. Songs that you would diss in public, but you know you could recite all the words to them if there was a money bet on the line.

WELL ... we have four songs picked and need a fifth. That's where you come in.

1. "It's Tricky" by Run DMC
2. "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
3. "Ice ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
4. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot
5 . _________________________ ?

Give me some suggestions!

By the way, thanks for your comments on my last cover band question: Should we play "Jack & Diane" or "Hurts So Good"? The latter was the clear winner and the one I was leaning toward anyway.

Photo owned by B. Baxter.
"My my my my MUSIC ..."

Cover Band Soap Opera: Which John Mellancamp Song Should We Play?

Chuck — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:13:17 GMT

At my last cover band gig (here in Cincinnati), band members decided it was time to learn a few more new songs, such each of the four of us get to pick two songs a piece.

I definitely want to get a Mellancamp song. But should it be Jack & Diane or should it be Hurts So Good? I'm definitely leaning one way but I don't want to say what it is. I want to see if anyone has a passionate opinion about it. Which one would be better for a bar where we get people up and dancing?