Guide to Literary Agents - Cover Band Venting

Cover Band Soap Opera: What Do Our Concert Ticket Stubs Say About Us?

Chuck — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:34:57 GMT

My rock cover band had a show last night. Combined with that, I went to my first concert in years the other night - seeing Stone Temple Pilots at Riverbend here in Cincinnati (and Scott Weiland fell off the stage, btw). The whole week got me thinking about how my musical preferences of today (and in turn, what I play with the band and how I play musically) are shaped by my musical upbringing. So I opened my memory box and pulled out my concert ticket stubs of old. Here they are. Anybody at any of these shows?

Concert tickets I could not find, sadly, include REM, Saliva, and Van Halen (2004). And I know Rocky Horror is not a concert, but your first RHPS show in person is still a noteworthy experience.

Cover Band Soap Opera: ''I Don't Want To Be'' by Gavin DeGraw

Chuck — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 18:10:28 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put up much video. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

> > >

Cover Band Soap Opera: ''Rock'N Me'' by Steve Miller Band

Chuck — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 22:18:08 GMT

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Rock'n Me" by Steve Miller Band at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Indianapolis Mini-Tour Lends Itself to Ridiculous Statements

Chuck — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 02:47:03 GMT

Last month, my rock cover band traveled to Indianapolis for back-to-back shows and our first mini-tour. Being it was our tour of any kind, complete with two nights in a hotel, we decided to make the most of it and throw in plenty of ridiculous tour-related comments at any and every opportunity -- even though we were less than small potatoes. Comments included, but were not limited to, the following:

"This wasn't in our contract rider."
"If I eat at one more Subway on this tour, I'm quitting."
"We can replace you on this tour."
"Where's the bus? Has anyone seen the damn bus?"
"Hello, Chicago!!! ... oh crap."
"All these cities are starting to look the same, man."
"We need a new opening band."
"I can't wait for this tour to be over and we can get back in the studio."
"The record company just called. They said if we wreck one more hotel room, they're pulling the plug on the tour."

Cover Band Soap Opera: My Wife Guest Stars for ''Ice Ice Baby'' Duet in Crowd-Pleasing Bonanza

Chuck — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 22:00:44 GMT

I can't really piece together how it happened, but one moment I was up on stage, swigging a beer, wrapping up some Weezer chords, and the next moment, my wife was now front and center on the stage, with the rowdy bar crowd chanting for ''Ice Ice Baby.'' So the bassist starts laying down the easily-recognized, very-much-stolen riff, and my wife and I bust into a duet, singing the verses together while the crowd boogied.

It was fun, and here are my grades for our rapping skills:

First Verse: A+. (Very excellent. The crowd was buoyed by our perfect skills at the beginning.)

Second Verse: B. (Some gaps here and there in the lyrics.)

Third Verse: D--. (Could not remember one damn word.)

Alas, it was fun. So much fun that we recreated it again on Saturday night, still not remembering one word of that stupid third verse. Oh well, third time will be the charm.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Trip Down Memory Lane; Band Geeks Rule (and Lower Brass is the Best)

Chuck — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 18:06:13 GMT

I was a 100% band geek in high school. All the stuff I do with my cover band today can be traced back to 6 years of marching and concert band. In a previously-posted photo, you can see me playing the trombone. In the photo below, that's a baritone horn.

What does it all add up to? Lower brass roots, baby. Anyone who's ever been in Band knows that there is a long-time feud between upper brass (trumpets, etc.) and lower brass. And if you're wondering, yes, lower brass is much cooler.

What about you? Any other band nerds out there? What did you play? Was there another section of the band who you didn't like? Those stinky trumpeters, perhaps? By the way: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes. BOO-YAH. Back up.

I bet you didn't know that,
as of freshman year, I was the
illegitimate son of Rod Blagojevich.

Cover Band Soap Opera: The Art of Nonverbal Communication

Chuck — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 14:22:00 GMT

When I'm playing a show with my rock cover band, and the music is at 115 decibals, it gets hard to communicate. The lead singer and I can talk OK because we speak at close distances. But the bassist and I ... well, that's a different story. 25 feet separate us at any given show, so over the band's three-year lifespan, the bassist and I have developed an intricate system of nonverbal communication. Below you will find a smattering of translations—most of them having to do with assessing blame when someone screws up.

Head nod: The song is wrapping up; prepare to end.

Elevated spinning hand: Keep it going; stretch it out.

Head motion toward guitar: Follow me on this musical stretch; pay attention to what I'm doing.

Hand horizontal to ground, motioning down: Slow down the tempo (or "play softer")

Gritting teeth and making eye contact: Here comes the cool part; let's break it down!

Tapping hand to own chest: I just screwed up; my fault.

Finger point to other person: You just screwed up; your fault.

Eyes wide, look of disbelief: I didn't just screw up, dude—you screwed up.

Eyes wide, staring at other person: WTF are you playing, bro?

Vigorous shoulder convulsion: I'm playing the correct &^%$! notes, bro. WTF are you playing?

Look of exasperation to the heavens: You have never once got this part right! It's called practice!

Looking at ground, head shaking: I can't even think right now—I'm that frustrated. Please God, just let this song end.

Mimes typing on keyboard: I am putting out an ad on Craigslist to replace you! Just FYI...

WD's Chuck and Zac Play 'Losing My Religion' as We Rock Out for Journalism

Chuck — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 18:31:42 GMT

A few months back, Zac Petit and I played some music for the Cincinnati chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) at their annual party. The video is below. I must warn you that is not complete (only about two minutes of the song are there), and ...

... I sing.

Yes—you've been warned. Listen at your own risk. I am a musician, not a singer, so temper your expectations now, but this may be the only recorded time ever that I post video of me singing lead for anything anywhere. And enjoy Zac's mad skill on the guitar. That's me playing piano on the left. And our drummer was Cincy-based freelancer Liz Wu, who is also very talented.

Cover Band Soap Opera: An Ugly Kid Joe Song 15 Years in the Making

Chuck — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 00:31:11 GMT

After watching a few of my stage plays produced when I was in college, a fellow student asked me where I "came up with these crazy ideas." I responded that we all have good ideas, but I just take the time to write them down. In fact, I write everything down - or else it slips away from me. And before I was writing down ideas and notes having to do with writing and stories, I was writing down the music/chords to any song I learned. Look right here at this scribbling of the notes to Ugly Kid Joe's "Everything I Hate About You," crudely written out by me 15 years ago on homework looseleaf.

That's the actual first draft copy. After writing it out, I stored the paper in my big music binder and would come across it once a year when leafing through all the songs I had musically transcribed then I would refresh myself on how the song went. Cut to 2010, when my cover band's lead singer couldn't make a recent show and we had to hastily fill the show with a replacement lead vocalist (Matt, pictured below). Well, Matt knew plenty of our songs - but not enough to make the magic number of 52, which is the amount needed to fill four hours when you factor in breaks. So we had little practice time to throw together some final rock songs. During some down time at practice, I start playing the notes to Ugly Kid Joe for fun, and, wouldintyaknowit, Matt jumps right in. We quickly pieced together the song and added it to our set list for that upcoming show.

So I say to you: Write everything down. Carry a pad or write things on your Blackberry. Every joke, every interesting character, every four-chord structure you figure out on the piano. Write it all somewhere, so you can remember that you know it - and you can review it later. And then maybe, just maybe, you'll have a rockin' moment like this one with me and Matt pictured below.

Cover Band Soap Opera: How Alcohol Affects Playing

Chuck — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 03:06:03 GMT

I had a few beers¹ at this weekend's show with my cover band. As the night went on, three things you started to see from me were more smiles, more stage presence² and more mistakes. It's all part of the way alcohol affects one's musicianship when consumed in not-tiny quantities.

You ever read one of those articles, where it says "After three beers, you can't drive a car; after four beers, you can't..." -- Well, here is the cover band breakdown of all that.

After 1 Beer: Functionality normal. Skills unaltered.³

After 2 Beers: Slight Relaxation. One no longer feels any apprehension about playing in public or that there may be better musicians in the crowd eyeballing their every note. Musicianship actually improves with new confidence.

After 3 Beers: Skills peak. Some dancing and grooving begins. Good blend of enthusiasm and playing, though first mistake will reveal itself as musician lets his guard down.⁴

After 4 Beers: Miss the harmonics on the Violent Femmes and some backup vocals on Billy Joel. Other bandmates begin to look at one another and question the speed and quantity of your drinking. Slippery slope begins here.

After 5 Beers: Everything is hilarious, even your multiplying mistakes. You think you can fake your way through Beastie Boys even though you can't, and you scream at the drummer to let the "Alive" solo last for a minimum of three minutes. The set list no longer exists. The next song is whatever you feel like.

After 6+ Beers: You won't remember in the morning that you completely wrecked the beginning to Brown-Eyed Girl nor that a guest singer came up and led the crowd for two songs. Attempts to dolly gear out of the venue afterward will only lead to damaged gear. Somehow, the bar owner comes up to you and thanks you for a stellar performance. Success.

¹ Accounts vary from six to eight.
² Not necessarily a good thing.
³ Not responsible for skills not being there in the first place.
⁴ Usually during a Queen song.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Creep' by Radiohead

Chuck — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 20:05:02 GMT

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Creep" by Radiohead at a recent winter show. That's me playing guitar on the right. Please excuse the lead singer's awful beard, which never made another appearance after that night, thank God. (Note: Our lead singer tried out for the band with this song way back when.) Also note: This song, as you probably know, contains a bad word or two. Take precautions if at work.

> > >

Cover Band Soap Opera: How a Set List is Constructed

Chuck — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 18:33:17 GMT

I am in charge of creating the set list every gig for my Cincinnati cover band. We have three sets of music during our four-hour night, with a 20-minute break in between each set. This is fitting, because just as a story is told in three acts, our night is laid out in three acts, each one different than the other. Here's how a set list is constructed and why.

ACT ONE: THE FIRST SET

The beginning of the first set is filled with songs I would describe as "not dancy" (awesome description, I know). The goals for our first few songs are to show our capabilities as musicians (in other words: not suck) and also play a variety of time periods. So early on, you'll hear "The Rock Show" by Blink-182 (2000s), "Alive" by Pearl Jam (1990s), "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" by The Police (1980s) and "Rockin Me Baby" by Steve Miller Band (1970s). This is all done to show you that we play a variety of music so you'll stick around.

About halfway through the first set, we start playing more dancable songs; this is almost like the inciting incident in a novel. We bust out "I Want You to Want Me" or "All Summer Long" and see if people start moving. The first set wraps up with some highly dancable songs, like a Queen medley and more. We end strong to get people pumped about Act II.

ACT TWO: THE SECOND SET

So now it's 20 minutes and two beers later. We shift to all dancable stuff. Again, we mix the decades, but this set tends to skew toward the 80s. This is where you hear "Jessie's Girl" and "Blister in the Sun," etc. This is often the most fun set because the dance floor is bumping and people are having a good time. The whole crowd sings along when we make it to Journey.

ACT THREE: THE THIRD SET

The third set can be called "the most exciting," because it never repeats itself. When the third set begins, we continue with dancable songs to see if the crowd still has some boogie in them. Whether they do or don't, tanks are running empty. There's usually a lull in the middle of this third set, so we start doing one of two things: 1) playing 90s rock that we grew up on (such as Nirvana, Weezer, Pearl Jam), or 2) just start taking requests.

See, by that point, we've lost the dancing girls. What remains is usually drunk guys, and then want singalong rock. So we give them Radiohead and The Killers, and they eat it up. The crowd has completely changed, so we do, too. This is also the time of night where we bust out any funky raggae-style jams, such as "No Woman No Cry" or "Jane Says." Drunk guys just seem to love that stuff. And, naturally, we end with "Zombie" by The Cranberries ... just cause.

So even when we're playing at some smoky bar, we're still constructing a kind of narrative for people, with planned highs and lows - scripted exciting stretches as well as moments for you to catch your breath. There is a method in it, I swear.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Types of People at Shows, Vol. 2

Chuck — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 23:08:42 GMT

Looking through all the pictures of my cover band shows, you start to see the same things over and over again. In other words, a lot of people who come to our shows fall under a certain grouping, and these posts will help show you some of the characters we see over and over again. Here is Volume 2 (see Volume 1 here). Note: These are all real photos from my cover band shows. (I even know some of these people.)

4. THE CREEPY STARING GUY

Creepy Staring Guy (homo sapien crisis midlifis) is a harmless nuisance, but an unnerving one nonetheless. He oftens stands awkwardly close to the band, usually staring at the guitarist or bassist, sometimes without blinking for long periods of time. He's either a musician, examining the band's skill at close range, or just a very strange guy.

5. STAGE GIRLS

When that fourth drink has kicked in, these are girls who want to one thing: Dance! And dance they will. When one decides to cross the audience-band border, the floodgates are open, and more follow. Never mind the smiles and friendly demeanor of Stage Girls (homo sapien dancus babus); the truth is: They're very dangerous. Stage Girls result in the most amount of accidents per capita for cover bands worldwide. They spill drinks on surge protectors; they bump your mic; they try to play the instruments. It's all very crazy.

6. THE UNINVITED SINGER DUDE

Who cares that he wasn't invited onstage? This man is so sure of himself that he's coming up anyway. Drink in hand, he's a wild dude (homo sapien drunkus annoyus). There's no rhyme or reason as to when he'll suddenly grab the lead singer's mic and belt out a lyric. It's all random (fun!) and he likes it that way. Sure, you can ask him to leave the stage, but he'll be back, and he'll be drunker next time.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Types of People at Shows, Vol. 1

Chuck — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 20:59:30 GMT

Looking through all the pictures of my cover band shows, you start to see the same things over and over again. In other words, a lot of people who come to our shows fall under a certain grouping, and these posts will help show you some of the characters we see over and over again. Here is Volume 1. Note: These are all real photos from my cover band shows. (I even know some of these people.)

1. THE POINTER

Usually men, Pointers are guys who know how to have fun. And how do they express their happiness? Through a finger point. Some might shoot an index finger to the sky, others right at you. These gents are usually rockers, and have a tendency to request Motley Crue and AC/DC no matter how many times you tell them no. Pointers (homo sapien rockus pointus) are a common sighting at shows and are generally harmless. However, Pointers can turn violent after serious alcohol consumption (such as the two-beer dude on the left below).

2. TONGUE MEN

Tongue men are pack hunters, and find an excuse to stick their tongue out at anything or anyone. It's a sign of intoxication, but also a sign of an illness I call "D-Bag Fever." They tend to show up in large quantities or not at all, depending on the venue. The rarest of the tongue men breed is the Burger King Greaser (homo sapien tongus beefus). Below you will enjoy a rare sighting. >

3. THE TERMINATOR

An exceptionally rare find, The Terminator (homo sapien WTFus) is often the first one on the dance floor, for better or worse (usually worse). These people are most noted for the out-of-place sunglasses, but are also identifiable by having shirts tucked in, and sometimes wearing a fanny pack. Ironically enough, they are harmless creatures but seem to frighten others away.

Cover Band Soap Opera: The Night That One Crazy Girl Got Arrested

Chuck — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:59:54 GMT

On two occasions, we played in a venue that could best be described as a Olive-Garden-type restaurant. If a loud rock cover band playing in an Olive Garden sounds like a ridiculous scenario, that's because it is. We were well aware of the fact that we would be too loud, but the owner crossed our palms with silver, so we showed up and plugged in.

So, basically for the first three hours of our performance, no one was listening to us (as expected). The night took a decidedly more interesting turn at around 12:30 a.m. A girl walks into the place, alone, essentially just begging for a conversation with anybody. So our lead singer approaches her at the bar during a break and says hello, etc., and—immediately—the whole band gets a weird vibe. Something's just ... off.

We soon began the final set of the night. It was at this point that the girl started to dance in front of us in a way that looked like a cross between Elaine from Seinfeld and some crazy person dancing the dance of the seven veils. She was sweating—a lot—and would often touch her shoulders.

Not being well versed in drugs, I turn to the bassist mid-song and mouth the word "Ecstasy?" He kinda shrugs and nods at the same time—basically saying that he thinks so, but like me, really has no idea. The strange dancing continues for some time, but then the girl starts to knock over things accidentally, like a drink glass or mic stand. The owner appears and asks her to leave. She seems to not comprehend such a request. (We're playing this whole time, so I'm just reading body language and lips, really.)

The owner grows more frustrated, and the girl goes from wacky-happy to angry. Cops are called and the girl is arrested and taken to a police cruiser while she's highly emotional and yelling. The whole thing was just nuts. The nicest place we will ever play, and it's our only arrest story. The place did not invite us back—I have no idea why.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Leaves the Stage; I am Forced to Sing, Practically at Gunpoint

Chuck — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 23:38:11 GMT

A while back, I blogged about a time when our lead singer was sick and his voice just gave out about 10 minutes into a four-hour show. Well, this past Saturday gave me flashbacks to then. My cover band was playing a show on Saturday night in Cincinnati and the lead singer was/is battling a "toothache from hell." So our gig was supposed to last until 2 a.m., but at 1:30, our singer simply declared he was "done." The announcement was made in the microphone and that was that.

The final song ends (and, yes, it was "Zombie," as always) and the lead singer up and leaves the bar. Our bassist tells the drummer and I everything is going to be OK and that we'll just tell the bar owner to take $100 off our price for the night in exchange for this hassle. Uh ... well that plan didn't work.

I wanna rock right now
I'm Chuck and I came to get down

The plan seemed good until the bar owner walked up and whispered some words into the bassist's ears. The bassist turns to me, spooked, and says "Chuck, you have to sing right now. I'm not kidding, dude, you need to sing like right now or we're all dead men."

OK ... but what about the lyrics? And what about how I can't really sing? Taking a quick look over the set list, I pick out a few songs that I can barely pull off: "Alive," "Margaritaville," "Johnny B Goode," "I Want to Be Sedated." So off we go. I make an explanation to the crowd and then set off into some Pearl Jam.

And what happens? The crowd digs it. They seem to realize instantly that our bus no longer has a driver, and they're singing along with me, dancing more than before, trying to show some enthusiasm and keep the party going. In fact, when 2 a.m. finally rolled around (Thank you Jesus), the dance floor was packed. My bandmates thanked me afterward for saving the show, but the truth is the crowd saved the show. They could have thrown rotten tomatoes and little packets of Splenda at us. But no. They were kind, and that's a nice memory to have.

Band Soap Opera: I'm Thinking About Just Showing Up to a Gig When my Old Originals Band Reunites; Wife Calls Idea 'Horrendously Awful'

Chuck — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:31:16 GMT

To summarize my last band-related post, I was very surprised to see that my old Cincinnati-based originals band was reforming after several years. I was a senior in college when the band was together, but don't let that fool you. All the other dudes in the band were older, experienced city rockers - complete with tattoos and long hair and scruff on their chin. We were pretty decent and made a nice little run before I had it out with the lead singer and quit. We ended on a very sour note, and when they contacted me later asking me to come back, I said "Never again."

And here we are, years later, time healing all wounds, and the old band is reuniting a la Blues Brothers, but without the mission from God or sunglasses.. One part of me is like "Pssh - whatever"; and one part of me is like "But I liked those songs and darn it, I want a reunion tour, albeit a pathetically small one." Naturally, my wife is siding with the former rather than the latter.

As of now, my grand plan is to just show up to a gig with my trombone and keyboard in my hands and just see what happens. If anyone has a story about an old band getting back together for a fantastic yet fantastically small reunion show//tour, I want to hear about it. Did tempers flare?

Me playing guitar on the left.
All of 21 years old.

Band Soap Operas: Tales of My Old Originals Band...

Chuck — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 22:03:19 GMT

I'm going to briefly put the continuing ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band on hold for a second to rewind band life a bit. My roots in music go back as far as I want to remember, starting with high school band from grades 7-12 (band geek the whole nine). Now I play with a rock cover band. But one year-long episode in my life I don't mention very much was when I was in an original Cincinnati funk-rock band, of all things, while a senior in college.

I saw the old band is reuniting after several years (without me, naturally) and the songs they have up on MySpace are actually the ones I recorded with them several years ago. You can hear me playing guitar, piano and trombone.

That's me on the left, playing
guitar while slightly out of focus

That year playing originals was a weird experience, with some odd stories to be told. I was in college at the time and was too young to really know what I was doing, truth be told. The other dudes were all in their mid- to late-20s. Some of them were married with kids and had been like 10 bands to that point. And then here I was, this babyfaced "college boy" who didn't even have a car. I still remember that we would play these Thursday night shows in rinkydink smoke-filled bars, starting our set at like 12:30 a.m. I would do homework in the corner with a textbook open while the other band guys talked with people or drank.

One thing that was pretty cool is that our first shows together as a quintet were through a Battle of the Bands in Cincinnati at a place called Bogarts. A lot of incredible bands played that stage and signed their names on the wall in the back. Before our last show at Bogarts, I scanned over the wall and found the signature of Kurt Cobain, whose music pretty much got me through adolescence, as cliche as that is. A lot of those memories have escaped me, but seeing Cobain's name before I got onstage never did, and I am thankful for that.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'You Got to Fight For Your Right'

Chuck — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:03:20 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "You Got to Fight For Your Right (to Party)" by The Beastie Boys at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Blister in the Sun'

Chuck — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:50:19 GMT

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Blister in the Sun" by The Violent Femmes at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Bar Owner Demands We Play 'Rocky Top'; Calls Us A-Holes When We Cannot

Chuck — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:20:32 GMT

And now: The continuing ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band.

This is a simple story yet a good one. One of the first bars we ever played at was a real dive. I guess technically it was classified as a "sports bar," and I suppose that category garnered more respect in the Yellow Pages than, oh say, "crap-hole." We had all kinds of problems at this bar - all because of the owner, who was a nice enough guy at 9 p.m., but drunk as hell come the witching hour. He was the type of guy who, when he talked to you, immediately gave off this vibe like "No young smartypants college boy is gonna tell me how to do anything!"

The first time we played there, he stumbled up to us and requested "some Rocky Top!" If you don't know what this song is, you probably don't watch college football nor live anywhere near the South. It's a well-known southern song that the University of Tennessee has adopted as its football fight song. We told Mr. Bar Owner that, no, we don't have any banjo players in the band at this juncture, nor did we even know the first chord of the song. He walked away murmuring something under his breath. Anyway - whatever, things didn't really boil over until the next show.

So we're back at the bar a few weeks later and, hell's bells, the bar owner zig-zags up to us and asks us if we learned the song yet. We say no. Then he says a new bride and groom just came in (what the hell they were doing there only God knows), and offered to spend an additional $300 at the bar if the band could play "Rocky Top." It was an interesting scenario, but we still said the same thing: "Sorry, man - no can do." It was somewhere around this moment that Mr. Bar Owner just blew a gasket and called us A-holes and idiots and other stuff along those lines. Somehow, we were never invited back to play.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Alive' by Pearl Jam

Chuck — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 00:12:36 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Alive" by Pearl Jam at a recent fall show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

> >

Cover Band Soap Opera: We Need a New Song - You Choose!

Chuck — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:22:27 GMT

It's that time again - time to pick some new songs for my cover band to learn. That said, I need some guidance in making my next pick. Below you will find four "finalists" for our next song to learn. I need an informal vote on which one to choose, and YOU are the voters.

Remember that there are four criteria upon which to judge these songs:

      1. Awesomeness. Is it awesome? How awesome?
      2. Danceability. This is key. Songs have to get the ladies dancing. If the ladies do not dance, then the men do not dance, and hence we do not have a dance floor. Bar managers = miffed.
      3. Widespread Appeal. Will the song push some people off the dance floor? Do younger peeps in their 20s even know Eddie Money songs?
      4. Chuck Looking Cool Playing Guitar. You must weigh the first three against if there are cool guitar riffs and licks that I can wail on. I'm talking guitar riffs that go SCREE-DIDDLEY-DEE and then I shoot the audience a "Can you dig it?" look.

THE FINALISTS:

1. "Take Me Home Tonight," by Eddie Money
2. "Hey Jealousy," by The Gin Blossoms
3. "Crazy Game of Poker," by OAR
4. "A medley of Rolling Stones songs - snippets of "Start Me Up," "Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Satisfaction," and "Paint it Black."

What song should I pick? Leave a comment (and, if you like, make a case).

Cover Band Soap Opera: Def Leppard's 'Pour Some Sugar on Me'

Chuck — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 22:31:12 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up of us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Lep at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right.

> >

Cover Band Soap Opera: Poison's 'Talk Dirty to Me'

Chuck — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:10:30 GMT

For anyone who follows the ridiculous adventures of my Cincinnati rock cover band, you may have noticed that I don't put video up on us. Truth is, I'm self-conscious. Someone missed a note, or this didn't sound right, or that's blurry, blah blah blah.

Well, no more of that. This is my band playing "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison at a recent summer show. That's me playing guitar on the right side of the stage.

> >

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Use Somebody' Debut = Disaster; Redemption Comes at End of Night

Chuck — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:16:10 GMT

We started our last show early - 9 p.m. We were expecting to have not a whole lot of people milling around. What we weren't prepared for was a whopping three dudes in the audience. (It just goes to show you that playing later is always better.)

So, with three dudes in the audience, we decide to premiere "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. Let me ask you something: Have you ever seen a cover band stop in the middle of a song? Didn't think so. Well, we started playing the song and this train just came off the rails. I'm talking No Man's Land here. So somewhere near the guitar solo, we just stopped the song and laughed. A look out to the audience revealed ... zero listeners. We drove off the three paying customers. Awesome.

The night goes on and the people start to come in. We're having fun. Gulp. First drink goes down. Gulp. Second one, too. Then we start to discuss playing "Use Somebody" a second time and getting it right. For some reason, our lead singer mentions our idea to the bar owner, who responds by personally asking us NOT to play the song again for fear it will drive away the crowd.

OK, Mr. Bar Owner - we got ya, no problem. Gulp. Third drink. Gulp. Fourth is delicious. Hmmm - starting to rethink plan. We all agree: Yeah, we're letting this baby loose. It's time for round two. So, for our last song, we let "Use Somebody" fly again. It. Was. Awesome. It probably wasn't perfect, but in our mind it was. So what's the moral here? Alcohol solves all ills? Kings of Leon unites the world? Cover band guitarists rock? Just the first two? I'm still working it out.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Trip Down Memory Lane; Were You a Band Geek Too?

Chuck — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:42:29 GMT

I'm lucky to have my rock cover band because it gives me an outlet for music in my life. But the cover band is just the latest outlet. It all started with, you guessed it, high school band. Marching band, concert band, jazz band - you name it.

Were you a bando, too? If you were, you do know that we are like fraternal brethren - kinda like cops, right? OK, just checking. I went to a high school football game on Friday and this cool band did their thing at halftime. I was awash with memories. Band is a year-round thing, and it dominated my life for almost six years. Six. Glorious. Years.

s

Lower brass rocks the house.
And to answer your question,
yes, I can only read bass clef.

Cover Band Soap Opera: I'm Reminded of 'Like a Virgin' Scene in Reservoir Dogs

Chuck — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:05:37 GMT

My cover band had back to back awesome shows these last two nights. Thursday was great because the Bengals won, and the crowd was in a festive mood because of that. And Friday was fun, too. The new drummer is getting acquainted, and all is well.

So here it is, Saturday afternoon, and I sit down with my acoustic to strum a little Jack & Diane when ... I can't.

My fingertips hurt. Wait - WHA?

You talk to anyone who's learning to play the guitar and they all say the same damn thing. "My fingertips are killing me! How do you press down on the strings so hard?" I just say "Stop whining and keep playing because you'll have callouses soon." But here I am, the day after two shows, and my fingertips are killing me.

Remember Mr. Brown's explanation of "Like a Virgin" in Reservoir Dogs? Well I feel like that right now. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. And I feel like a guitar virgin, and I'm 13 years old again.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Loses Voice at Show; Anarchy Ensues

Chuck — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 19:27:01 GMT

If you've ever listened to my cover band play, you know that our lead singer has a decently cool voice. He's got good vocal range, and his voice has that grungy edge to it that makes our Nirvana and STP covers that much cooler. And all this is leading to my next point: He completely lost his voice about six songs in (out of 50) at our show last night.

Disaster.

You ask: "So, Chuck ... what happens when the lead singer loses his voice at a show?" Well, I'll tell you. Chaos. Absolute chaos happens. First we tuned down our guitars a whole step to help him. Then I started to sing every song with him to supplement his voice. Then the bassist started singing as well. All the songs became big, rowdy shout-em-outs instead of musical melodies. When we realized Plan A sucked, we started inviting people up to sing with us (Plan B). What we lost in musical quality, we tried desperately to regain in theatrics. Well, that didn't work so well so we went to Plan C. End the damn night early.

The lead singer

Dude. Disaster. But it was definitely a memorable show. There's no way this show will just fade away in my mind. We jammed on "Hang on Sloopy", had various guest singers, witnessed a fight outside the bar, and had a new enthusiastic soundman who kept pumping us up. Never a dull moment.

Cover Band Soap Opera: 'Parrotheads' Attack the Stage; Crazy Buffett Fan Hits My Keyboard Repeatedly Without Invitation

Chuck — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:36:44 GMT

We were playing a show the other day on the river and got word mid-show that a ferry was bringing a ton of people over after the Jimmy Buffett concert ended.

Score.

The Buffett fans arrived en masse later in the night and a gaggle of drunken people immediately rushed up on stage to dance while we were jamming on "I Love Rock and Roll." Now - like I've written about before, having people onstage is cool and all, but it poses significant risks in terms of equipment damage. Not only that, but you may notice our musicianship goes down drastically when people are onstage because we are so busy trying to keep everything in order that we tend to forget things like guitar licks, shaping a musical phrase or backup vocals.

That said, definitely - definitely - the best part of the night was this: We were on the next song and I started to hear wrong notes. Someone was playing wrong notes randomly. I looked at the bassist and he was confused, too. So then I look behind me at all the dancing people and there is this one really big dude with sunglasses dressed in a ridiculous sailor costume just hitting the keyboard repeatedly. He was bobbing his head and this fake wig was going with the beat.

I was like "DUDE. Stop!" He obviously couldn't hear me, because his response was, "Yeah, man! This is AWESOME!"

So I push my way through some dancing people onstage, still playing my guitar at the same time, and unplug the keyboard power with one yank of a cord. The guy just still hit those keys and danced for like 10 minutes after that.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Drummer Quits; New Drummer Joins Band Version 2.0

Chuck — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:31:46 GMT

It was a long time coming, but our drummer has finally given his official resignation and left the band. The guy was burnt out on playing covers for some time and it was only a question of when.

It all kinda came to a head a few weeks ago at a show. It was 2 a.m. and we ended the show with "Zombie" by The Cranberries, as we always do. The crowd started yelling for an encore, so we were set to oblige, naturally. But the drummer just got up and refused to play an encore. This is a guy, who, when he's made up his mind, he's made up his mind, know what I mean? So he and the lead singer get into another shouting match onstage all about this encore debacle. At that point, we realized it was over. Sigh.

BUT - the good news is: We have signed New Drummer, who looks to be very cool. We put an ad out on Craigslist and got about 20 inquiries. We interviewed five personally (jamming with them) and ended up going with a guy who had very little gear or contacts, but he was just a great guy who seemed easy to get along with and into our rock cover style of music. We'll see how the whole thing goes. I will keep ya posted.

The lead singer and I at a show.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Monsoon Wrecks Outdoor Gig; Soaked Bandmembers Sent Home

Chuck — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:15:16 GMT

So the bassist and I are talking by cell phone, both staring at Weather.com. We agree: It's going to storm all night. We shouldn't play out usual Thursday gig on the river (outdoors, naturally). The bassist calls the venue only for the venue to explain that they, too, were looking at the radar and everything appeared A-OK, so the band should arrive and set up as normal.

Uh ... what radar are YOU looking at, Mr. Bar Owner? The one on SUPER-Weather.com?

Ugh. So the band arrives as usual and sets up the gear. It's 9:35 and I am sound-checking my guitar. Everything sounds good; strings are in tune, etc. That's when I notice the drummer is staring at something. I follow his stare and look down the Ohio River. Around 500 yards down the river, everything just disappears. Just nothing there. I mean, I kind of equate it to the novel The Neverending Story, and when the characters were looking at nothing - just nothing at all.

"Is that fog?" I ask.

"No man, that's rain," the drummer replies. "That's the storm."

A man from the bar runs up to the stage. "Please tell me you guys have tarps - because there is a red supercell right above us! TAKE COVER!!!" We barely had time to simply unplug everything and BAM - it hit, and it hit fast and big. Those loud raindrops. Rain coming in sideways. It came in one way, then the other way. Wind. The PA got wet. They keyboard got wet. The cords got wet. The mixer got wet. The guitars got wet. The mics were wet. Everything ... just soaked. We threw up a tarp to stop rain coming in one way and the Wind Gods quickly nailed us from the other side. Absolute. Disaster.

The lead singer surveys the scene. "I say we plug in and play!" he says. The band just looks at each other.

"We'll play the instruments if you plug everything back in," I say.

He picks up some soaked plugs and electrical gear. "Nah, let's just go home."

So we did.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Falsely Tells Crowd I Love Hanson; I Am Not Amused

Chuck — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 18:20:33 GMT

Had a good show last night down on the river. It's fun to place outdoors in the summertime. At least, it was fun until our lead singer went into bozo mode.

It all went down like this: Two girls approached the stage and said it was their birthday. Their song request? "Mmm Bop" by Hanson. Me, the bassist, and the drummer all immediately say, "No way." Lead singer, being the wild card that he is, then announces to the entire audience that we will now play "Mmm Bop." The rest of the band, including me, crosses our arms in defiance. Our message is clear: If you wanna sing the song, Mr. Lead Singer, you're on your own. Good luck!

So he starts to sing the song alone, and, naturally, it sounds empty and awful. The crowd is trying to help, but it's still terrible. Feeling bad, I just hit a chord. I don't know how to play the song so I just hit a D major. It sounds right. So I just blankly hit the next chord - G major. That's right, too. Hmmm. I attempt all four chords of the chorus and, somehow someway, they're all the correct chords. Crowd kinda digs it. Birthday girls are happy. Success. I sheepishly smile.

Our little jam ends and that's when the lead singer quickly tells everyone that I actually play the song all the time and it's probably my favorite song ever and the only song on my I-Pod. I try to manage a weak comeback into my mic but only stammer for a moment, making things worse. Desperate, I scream at the drummer to start "Dani California" already so people will forget about this Hanson debacle. He smirks and starts.

That is the last - the last time - I ever try to help out on an awful request.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Four Things I've Learned as a Cover Band Guitarist

Chuck — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:44:21 GMT

1. Letting that one drunk guy onstage to sing "Mr. Jones" is a recipe for disaster.
        You all know the guy I'm talking about. He's the one who keeps blurting out requests for 90s rock hits that will remind him of simpler times.
        Early on, we'd invite this guy onstage because he bought us shots, or because he was an acquaintance of so-and-so, or just because we were truly afraid of him smashing our equipment when we said no. Guys like this usually sing the first verse fine - but about 60 seconds in, the guy blanks on recalling lyrics and laughs awkwardly into the microphone, sometimes reverting some free-flow scatting just to say something out loud ("SKEE-BOP-DIDDLEY-DEE!").

2. Inviting those drunk girls onstage to dance is recipe for disaster.
        Onstage is a jungle of cords, plugs, pedals, monitors and amps. Concerning the girls: They come onstage - usually in clusters, usually pretty tipsy. And as they're walking up, that's right about the time the band notices they're all wearing 14-inch heels, and they're drunk and stumbling, and they're all holding mixed drinks just begging to be spilled on a large surge protector. Even if we do get the girls to put their drinks down, that just makes them want to play our instruments and grab the mics.

3. No matter how many times somebody requests it - and no matter how much money someone offers to give us - we still cannot play a song we don't know.
        "Hey, can you play Sweet Caroline?"
        "Sorry, man - we don't know it"
        "Aw, but my girl really wants to hear that song! You sure you can't play it?"
        "Pretty sure."
        "What if I, like, bought you guys all shots?"
        "We just don't know the song. I'm sorry."
        "DUDE. I'M TRYING TO GET LAID. BE A PAL!"

4. Whatever happens musically, if we act like it was all part of the plan, everything turns out fine.
        We can start into a song by The Killers and miss half the notes, while the drummer comes in late cause he's swigging some beer - but as long as our lead singer points at the crowd, makes a Billy Idol lip sneer and screams "Oh yeah!", then no one is the wiser.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Biggest Show of the Year Goes Awesome, Though Lead Singer Insults Catholic Parish's Choice of Beer Provider

Chuck — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:52:37 GMT

My cover band had its biggest show of the year last weekend. It was one of those things where we were playing for a few thousand people and our amps were cranked to 11 and, like Alan Shepard, we were like "Please don't let us #$%& up."

Thankfully, things went very well. Our wild card lead singer did an amazing job of holding back on "sensitive" lyrics where need be at the Catholic Parish Festival. Our only low point came when the lead singer held up his bottle of Miller Lite (the beer provider for the event) and remarked that he was amazed anyone actually drank it - calling himself "a beer snob."

To just put the icing on the cake, when the set ended and we went to get drinks, he remarked that he was flat broke and needed $3 for another Miller Light. Must be pretty hard being a beer snob when you got moths in your pockets.

Pictures below for your enjoyment.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Biggest Show of the Year Approaches; Bandmates Cannot Agree on a Day to Practice Beforehand

Chuck — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 02:06:34 GMT

Biggest show of the year coming up for my cover band - and coming up fast.

This Friday, we are the lead Friday night band for a huge Catholic parish festival in a Cincinnati suburb here. I had to go through the set list and remove any songs that had questionable content. And then there are some songs that have questionable content, but are older and so beloved that no one seems to notice.

ARE WE GOING TO PLAY?:

                          You Shook Me All Night Long? YES
                          Bad Bad Girlfriend? NO
                          Sex on Fire? NO
                          Pour Some Sugar on Me? YES
                          Feel Like Makin' Love? YES
                          Fat-Bottomed Girls? YES
                          American Idiot? NO
                          Stacy's Mom? NO
                          Gives You Hell? NO

Anyway, despite the fact that our biggest show of the year (more than likely) is coming up in a mere five days, we couldn't agree on a day to practice this week becuase of everyone's schedules. Geez Louise. Like that isn't a bad decision? Nonetheless, I will be working my fingers to the bone this week to be ready for the show this weekend.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Don't Mess With Kim, Our Sound Tech

Chuck — Sun, 03 May 2009 18:36:51 GMT

At my last cover band show, we had a crazy drunk guy who was pretty out of control. Unfortunately, our lead singer thought it wise to let Mr. Drunk up onstage early on to sing a few words of a song. This turned out to be a god-awful decision, because then Mr. Drunk wanted to be onstage all the time. At one point, he even came up, released some primordial roar, then flailed and hit my microphone stand, which then toppled onto my guitar effects pedal, and all of a sudden I wasn't playing with distortion any longer. The whole thing just turned in a little Mousetrap-esque nightmare.

Anyway, the most interesting part of the whole ordeal was when Mr. Drunk came too close to our PA sound system. That's when Kim, our small yet dangerous sound tech, proceeded to shove him about ten feet away with a simple flick of her arms. It was good to see her protecting our gear with such zeal, but then also humbling to know to she could destroy me at any time with her ninja skills.

This is Kim. Mess with our
sound board, and she will
scissor-kick you.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer and I Crash Acoustic Stage; Declare We're Playing a Second Song

Chuck — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:42:41 GMT

Man, it's amazing what you can do and get if you simply say that it's your birthday. Example: My cover band lead singer and I were at a smaller bar in a college town recently and the entertainment was a guy with an acoustic guitar who was playing popular singalong hits.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could get onstage and bust some stuff out?" my lead singer asks.
        I smile. "We can, man."
        "No way." He shakes his head. "Dudes like this never let someone cameo onstage."
        "Oh yeah? Watch and learn"

I just walked up to the performer, who we will call Mr. Acoustic, and told him 1) it was my friend's birthday, 2) my friend wanted to sing, 3) I could play the guitar while he sang, and 4) my friend COULD sing and would not be an embarrassment. The dude said, "Come on up."

Score.

It all started well. We played "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers and the college kids ate it up. People just love that damn song. Anyway, the song ends, and I hit the A Major chord and the crowd cheers. Mr. Acoustic claps and smiles and starts to walk back up as if to say "Good job, guys ... now gimme back my guitar."

And then the lead singer does what he always does: something ridiculous. He grabs the mic and says "Who wants to hear ANOTHER one?" Mr. Acoustic is kinda baffled. I'm like, "Hey man, we should get offstage." The lead singer tells the crowd that some "Sex on Fire" is coming up, hot and fresh! (For another story about the lead singer's fetish with this Kings of Leon song in question, click here.)

So now there's confusion all around, as the lead singer has just announced us playing a song that I can't perform on an acoustic guitar (lots of weird bending), and we haven't gotten permission to play. The crowd is now getting antsy. So we're in a pickle, right? WRONG. I had foreseen this scenario because I know the lead singer is a loose cannon. So I bust into the two chords of Sublime's "What I Got". The crowd quickly digs it, the lead singer is satisfied, and Mr. Acoustic actually comes up the mic to sing it together with the lead singer.

Synergy.

The lead singer even backs off the mic, motioning for Mr. Acoustic to take the reins and sing it himself. It came off as slightly magnanimous after all that nonsense.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer So Anxious to Sing One Song That He Cuts Prior Song Way Short

Chuck — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:57:08 GMT

The lead singer of my cover band once described himself as "vain." From my point of view, it's hard to argue with that. For a case in point, let me take you back to a recent show. It was late in the night, and the next song on the set list was "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet. Just before we begin the song, he turns away from the crowd and pleads for us to instead substitute "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon instead.

The band quickly votes no. Why? Because we just played Sex on Fire like 90 minutes ago in the night.

So why would the lead singer want to play the song again? Simple. He sings that song very well and that makes him look cool with the ladies. The man's got a great rock voice, but on some songs in particular, he's got an outstanding rock voice - and that Kings of Leon song is one of them.

So the band quickly votes 3-1 in favor of sticking to the original plan, but little did we all know that the lead singer was cooking up a plan of his own. We start in on the Jet song, and everything's fine. Then, about 1:20 (halfway) through the song, there is a pause in the music, and the singer is supposed to say "Are you gonna be my girl?" Instead, he takes the mic and announces that the band will now play "Sex on Fire."

Boom. In your face, bandmates.

I hate it when he does that. If he wants to play something, he simply announces to the crowd that it's coming next. Pretty hard to argue then. So I have to apologize to anyone in the crowd who was digging that Jet song, because we just stopped playing halfway through and started in on Sex on Fire ... again.

But his voice did sound great on that song, I suppose. Sigh.

Cover Band Show Postponed; Weekend Plans Collapsing; Just Me and the Dog

Chuck — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:39:26 GMT

Ugh. My band's show for this weekend was postponed because some guy at some bar wrote down wrong dates for when we were supposed to play. Buzzkill. And to think, we were just about to premiere "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects as well as "I Hate My Life" by Theory of a Dead Man. (We would have rocked those suckers.)

To quote the little Lebowski: "Bummer, man. Bummer."

Making things more complicated is my wife's short business retreat, which leaves me solely in charge of taking care of the fluffy mess that is our dog, Graham. And by "taking care of him," I mean, I live my life as normal and he presses his fat fluffy face against the front window for two days straight waiting for his mom to return.

The dog on the left is ours.
His name is Graham, and his
cuteness, lovableness, fluffiness
and flabbiness are off the charts.
Good thing he has the looks,
because the smarts? Not so much.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Blanks; Praises Non-Existant Band

Chuck — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:53:14 GMT

My cover band usually plays three sets of music, with about 16-18 songs in each set. The set list is always in flux - new songs added, old songs taken away, stuff mixed and matched, etc. BUT - we always (always!) end with the same song: "Zombie" by the Cranberries. We have since our first show in that tiny podunk bar a year and a half ago, and we still do today.

So it came as quite a surprise when, at a recent show, our lead singer grabbed the mic and said, "Welll ... Thanks for coming out ... This is our last one of the night ... This is a little tune by THE ZOMBIES!"

The Zombies? Take that man's ninth beer away.

On another note, how great is the song "Zombie" for real? Jesus, I love that song. It can be the worst show or the best show, but when we wrap up with that, we are start jumping around.

IN YOUR HEAAAAD.

Cover Band Soap Opera: Lead Singer Screams the Word 'Snatchypoo' Into the Microphone; Crowd Understandably Perplexed

Chuck — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:19:48 GMT

Our lead singer is a peculiar fellow. The man says whatever is on his mind and doesn't bother to consider anything like, oh, ramifications, or say - if a woman will smack him in the face after hearing his words. Despite this lack of reason or a verbal filter, he still manages to attract the ladies at an amazing rate. I have no idea how he does it, but they just gravitate to him - every single gig. All this brings me to a recent show and one strange word that was released into the world.

So we're just playing our set, right ... and we wrap up a song, and then our lead singer grabs the mic and drunkenly says "OHHHH SNATCHYPOO!"

Try to imagine this for a second. You're at a bar, drinking some drink, and the band wraps up a little Jimmy Eat World with a sweeping D Major chord. And then the lead singer of the cover band yells this word at 110 decibels.

Why would anyone in their right mind say this? Well, the word itself came about in practice. When we would rehearse a new song and lock it down, the lead singer would say we had "snatched it up" and "put it in our pocket." Over the course of several months, those phrases slowly got boiled down to the simple, caveman-like "Snatchypoo." So it came around in practice, and it in practice it should have stayed, for the love of God and Jesus. But he felt the need to share it with the world, and, for a moment, make us other band mambers wish we could open a magic Snickers bar and be transported to somewhere, anywhere else. Understandably, the crowd was mystified as to what the hell was going on.

You cannot control this man. We can only hope to put out the fires quickly.

"Hey, ladies..."

Cover Band Soap Opera: I Decide Not To Play 'The Joker (Space Cowboy)'; Bandmates Red-Faced With Anger

Chuck — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:39:27 GMT

We had a show last night (and actually have another tonight, as a matter of fact). So we're in the middle of the third set, and our drummer kicks off "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band. Having had several drinks, and thinking these drinks have entitled me to pretty much do what I want, I spontaneously decide NOT TO PLAY - but rather to go out into the crowd and dance while the singer, bassist and drummer carry the tune.

Now - if you're ever listened to this famous Steve Miller song, you know that it can survive very well without the guitar. And plus, I sometimes go out into the crowd and dance when the band plays "No Woman No Cry." So, a little harmless dancing never hurt my cover band. No big deal, right?

Wrong. Band = not so happy (read: jealous of awesomeness). Lead singer just keeps shooting me ridiculous looks, trying to sing the sweet sounds of Steve Miller and communicate "What the hell are you doing, Chuck?" at the same time. It was great. Drove the singer completely crazy.

Anyway ... he forgot the incident easily enough. Onward.

Before I decided to leave the stage and dance.

Cover Band Soap Opera: I Suggest Canceling Some Shows; Bandmates Suggest I'm the Antichrist

Chuck — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:33:26 GMT

Song we're working on right now: New Age Girl (Mary Moon) by Dead Eye Dick.

Comedian Darrell Hammond once joked that there are certain arguments where you can just sense will end very badly. For example, he said, if your wife comes up to you and asks how her outfit looks, "do you 1) lie and say it looks fantastic? 2) tell the truth and say not really, honey? or 3) go straight to the closet to get some protective headgear?"

Well I just called up my cover band bandmates and suggested we pull out of two shows because the schedule was getting pretty busy, and you would think I just kicked the soft underbelly of a defenseless dog. They were p*ssed! I just requested the dates off from the venue in question, so we'll see if they even give them to us, in the first place.

Old School Rap Medley Decision ... and the Hunt for Catholic Parish Festivals

Chuck — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:31:51 GMT

Well, I put out an APB for a good old-school rap song to include in an old-school rap medley. We got a bunch of good suggestions, and we ended up going with Tone Loc's "Wild Thing," which you can see here on YouTube, if for some reason the (awesome) song doesn't ring a bell. Thanks for your suggestions. I think Tone Loc will fit very nicely with MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Six Mix a Lot, and Run DMC.

Band sidenote: If you happen to be Catholic like me, and are part of organizing a Catholic parish festival this summer somewhere near Cincinnati, please feel free to look over our stuff/website. We just got the contract for our first one this year, and love to get the crowds dancing at festivals. Fun fun fun.

The great Tone Loc.

Looking for an Old-School Rap Song Suggestion for a Cover Band Medley

Chuck — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:46:49 GMT

So my cover band is putting together an "Old School Rap Medley" to feature older rap from the late 80s and early 90s - mostly songs that were fairly bad yet incredibly popular. Songs that you would diss in public, but you know you could recite all the words to them if there was a money bet on the line.

WELL ... we have four songs picked and need a fifth. That's where you come in.

1. "It's Tricky" by Run DMC
2. "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
3. "Ice ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
4. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot
5 . _________________________ ?

Give me some suggestions!

By the way, thanks for your comments on my last cover band question: Should we play "Jack & Diane" or "Hurts So Good"? The latter was the clear winner and the one I was leaning toward anyway.

Photo owned by B. Baxter.
"My my my my MUSIC ..."

Cover Band Soap Opera: Which John Mellancamp Song Should We Play?

Chuck — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:13:17 GMT

At my last cover band gig (here in Cincinnati), band members decided it was time to learn a few more new songs, such each of the four of us get to pick two songs a piece.

I definitely want to get a Mellancamp song. But should it be Jack & Diane or should it be Hurts So Good? I'm definitely leaning one way but I don't want to say what it is. I want to see if anyone has a passionate opinion about it. Which one would be better for a bar where we get people up and dancing?