GP: J.K. (Rowling) forgot to mention me in her acknowledgements page again? Hell hath no fury, I tell you. So we were whispering sweet nothings and watching some "Late Late Show" together. All of a sudden, the gal got one heck of a hankering for a "cookie dough blast." I was like, "Baby, I gotta go into Jersey to pick that up. One hell of a trek from NYC and I ain’t got no E-ZPass."

      Apparently Brits don’t fancy E-ZPass and she had no clue what I was talking about. Quarrelling ensued. Next thing I knew, I was pleading on bended knee for her not to leave. "Jo, honey bun," I whimpered. "Don’t go! I thought I was your agent in shining armor! Your muse!" But she stormed off anyway. I heard "wanker" in the distance. A shame.

      I was so broken-up that I decided to halt being an agent for a bit; i.e., abstaining from all selfish acts of selling. Instead, I’m making sure that (Linn Prentis Literary) runs smoothly—swimming through slush and assisting with newer titles by our most established authors. I’m making sure our bread and butter remains ... buttery. Speaking of our established authors, Patricia Briggs’ third installment of her bestselling Mercy Thompson series (horror/fantasy) will be released in January 2008 and is titled Iron Kissed. Also, the final book of Kage Baker’s series, "Sons of Heaven," was just released early July. Kirkus digs it. 

GLA: When you are taking submissions, you actively seek humor. What sets a successful humor book proposal apart?

GP: Two things:

1. A fresh ‘n crispy Benjamin paper-clipped discreetly to the second page of the proposal.
2. Let's change the question from "successful" to "great," because success is a weird thing. People forget not all humor is nonfiction, so I review just as many manuscripts as proposals (and wish fiction was more salable). Like "shows about nothing," humor written purely for entertainment is fine as long as it’s damn funny. God knows how many hilarious yet hollow and gimmicky books crowd my shelves at home. But I’m such a sucker for humor with substance, with some weight. Instead of raunchy fratire and chick-lit and 69 Ways to ________ (just fill in the blank with the dumbest thing possible), I look for Buckley novels—comedy with purpose—to get me going. How could a comedic writer not itch to be a social satirist during times of such corruption, such calamity (times of splendor if you’re a psychotic optimist)?

GLA: When submitting a humor book, does platform (outside of being a celebrity) factor in?

GP: Absolutely. If I had a penny for every time I said this: It seems as if publishers/agencies nowadays care more about the marketing scheme behind a book than the actual content of the book. It’s a shame. I’ll stop here because I could rant about how "art is dead, it’s all a business" for another 724 pages until my manifesto is complete. Colleagues tell me I’ve been listening to a little too much punk rock lately.

GLA: What can writers do to craft better book proposals?

GP: Check out some web samples or simply ask an agent. Wow agents with your words; otherwise, your proposal will, in time, become a coaster. Get a knowing and reliable comrade to read through your proposal, even if your ego’s convinced you that you’re a genius.

      When it comes to humor, I see writers trying way too hard to be funny. They blather on, not knowing when to stop and don't know how to cut their work. (The way I answered the first question of this interview is a perfect example of going a tad overboard.) Pretend you’re paying for each word that goes into your proposal and samples. Be as concise as possible. Most importantly, hone your own style! And don't use so many exclamation marks assuming they’ll make your punch line more hilarious!!!!!!!!!!

  
Former National Deviled Egg Eating Champion; ex-husband of Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor (British tabloids coined the portmanteau “Gregabeth”); and six-time Purple Heart recipient—it’s safe to say that Greg Parasmo is a real up ‘n comer with huge ambitions. Assisting Linn Prentis Literary with N.A.O. (New Agency Order) takes up much of his time. Though Greg is a fan of humor and anything else that you can convince him is simply flippin' awesome, he is not taking submissions at the current time.

"Agent Advice" is a series of quick interviews with literary and script agents who talk with Guide to Literary Agents about their thoughts on writing, publishing, and just about anything else.

This installment features Janet Benrey, founder of Benrey Literary in New Bern, N.C.

GLA: What’s the most recent thing you’ve sold? 

JB: Just this week, my client, Brenda Minton, received an offer from Harlequin's Steeple Hill Love Inspired for her second book, Making It Right.

GLA: When writers send you a nonfiction book proposal, what are the most common things you see lacking?

JB: Nonfiction proposals should be fairly easy to write. There's a lot of information available to writers on how to write the greatest, the most compelling, the "no-fail" nonfiction proposal, so I'm often surprised when authors fail to mention their reasons and credentials for writing the work. Like publishers, I often jump to the credentials section of the proposal before getting to the meat of the proposal. I need to know why an author is qualified to write what they're writing and how their work differs from what has already been published on the topic they've chosen.

GLA: One of your specialties is "Christian Living." Can you help define this and give a few book examples?

JB: The Christian Living category of books represents a huge umbrella that covers a multitude of topics. Christian Living works can include books on issues of importance to women, men and teenagers; Christian Living books can be about parenting, marriage, family life, divorce, breast cancer, healing, health, faith journies, spiritual challenges, leadership and devotionals. (One) series that I've contracted is for three books with a theme of taking faith to the next level. These were written by a pastor of a large church and the audience will be members of churches across the country who are interested in working through a study program that deals with parenting and other topics.

JB: Please tell me in which genre you're writing. An amazing number of authors fail to do this, leaving me to scratch my head. Please be specific. For example: This is a (insert word count) cozy mystery written for the Christian market. This is a (insert word count) contemporary/historical Christian romance. This does two things. It tells me that you read in your chosen genre and that you have a grasp of the requirements of the marketplace.

GLA: Bottom line—what attracts you to a work? 

JB: Voice. Ain't got voice, ain't gonna sell. Voice is craft. Voice is dialogue. Voice is creating a fictional dream. Voice is the narrator you chose for your story. Voice is doing everything well. Voice is point of view. Voice is the sound of the novel.

Janet Benrey

With the exception of those representatives new to the business and actively building their client list, agents will likely have a full roster of clients (writers) that demands much of their time. There are contracts to negotiate, edits to suggest, manuscripts to submit, bills to pay, etc. Add all that up and you get this: Agents are busy people, and aren't exactly racing around the world looking for a whole bunch of new clients to sign.

That's why writers should be wary of any agent that seems overly enthusiastic. Real agents don't offer you representation with a snail mail letter, complimenting generic aspects of your work. And here's a big tip: Real agents don't advertise. They get too many poor submissions as it is, so why would they spend money to attract more? If you see a Google Ad for a literary agency, such as the infamously bad New York Literary Agency (a member of the "20 Worst Agencies"), that agency is a scam. They will lure you in and then mention money.

Sure, real agents are still looking for new writers. As one rep put it, "We're always searching for an unpolished gem." But remember: If something seems too good to be true, it very well may be, so make sure you're in reputable hands before signing anything.