This new series is called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents.  In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked. 

The sixth installment in this series is with agent Michelle Brower (Folio Literary Management, formerly of Wendy Sherman Associates) and her author Scott Browne, for his novel, Breathers.

Dear Michelle Brower:

“I spent two days in a cage at the SPCA until my parents finally came to pick me up.  The stigma of bringing your undead son home to live with you can wreak havoc on your social status, so I can’t exactly blame my parents for not rushing out to claim me.  But one more day and I would have been donated to a research facility.”

Andy Warner is a zombie.

After reanimating from a car accident that killed his wife, Andy is resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and vilified by society.  Seeking comfort and camaraderie in Undead Anonymous, a support group for zombies, Andy finds kindred souls in Rita, a recent suicide who has a taste for consuming formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car crash victim with an artistic flair for Renaissance pornography.

With the help of his new friends and a rogue zombie named Ray, Andy embarks on a journey of personal freedom and self-discovery that will take him from his own casket to the SPCA to a media-driven, class-action lawsuit for the civil rights of all zombies.  And along the way, he’ll even devour a few Breathers.

Breathers is a contemporary dark comedy about life, or undeath, through the eyes of an ordinary zombie.  In addition to Breathers, I’ve written three other novels and more than four dozen short stories – a dozen of which have appeared in small press publications.  Currently, I’m working on my fifth novel, also a dark comedy, about Fate.

Enclosed is a two-page synopsis and the first chapter of Breathers, with additional sample chapters or the entire manuscript available upon request.  I appreciate your time and interest in considering my query and I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Scott G. Browne

Commentary from Michelle:

What really drew me to this query was the fact that it had exactly what I'm looking for in my commercial fiction - story and style.  Scott included a brief quote from the book that managed to capture his sense of humor as an author and his uniquely relatable main character (hard to do with someone who's recently reanimated). 

The letter quickly conveyed that this was an unusual book about zombies, and being a fan of zombie literature, I was aware that it seemed like it was taking things in a new direction.  I also appreciated how Scott conveyed the main conflict of his plot and his supporting cast of characters - we know there is an issue for Andy beyond coming back to life as a zombie, and that provides momentum for the story.

I think this is a great example of how query letters can break the rules and still stand out in the slush pile. I normally don’t like quotes as the first line, because I don’t have a context for them, but this quote both sets up the main conceit of the book AND gives me a sense of the character's voice.  This method won’t necessarily work for most fiction, but it absolutely was successful here.

"How I Got My Agent" is a new recurring feature on the GLA blog. I find it fascinating to see the exact road people took that landed them with a rep.  Seeing the things people did right vs. what they did wrong (highs and the lows) can help other scribes who are on the same journey.  Some tales are of long roads and many setbacks, while others are of good luck and quick signings.

• First of all, synopses have a specific format. They begin on a new page and should have all your contact information in the upper left corner of the first page. Just below your contact info, centered, should be the book's title, its genre and your name.
  
• The body of the synopsis is double-spaced.
  
• Use dialogue sparingly, if at all.
  
• You can get to the point, meaning you can say if a character is "a hopeless romantic."
  
• Starting on the second page, there should be a header at the top of all pages, looking like this: Author/TITLE/Synopsis. That should be pushed left while the page number should be pushed right.
  
• Things must be explained. You can't say a character has "psychic powers" or "finds a surprise around the corner" without saying what these things mean. I find that writers, when questioned about confusing details, will often say, "Well that's explained in the book." Then I say, "OK ... but an agent won't read the book if they're confused by the synopsis. Make sense?
  
• Try to stick with main plot points and characters. This will help cut down on confusion. Ideally, an agent won't get any name/character confusion because the synopsis doesn't detail needless subplots or minor characters.
  
• When characters are mentioned for the first time, CAPITALIZE their name.
  
• I read somewhere that a synopsis should read like you've summarizing a story for a 12-year-old. This is good advice. To practice, read a novel. Then explain the plot and characters of the story to a child as if it were a bedtime story. Tell the tale from beginning to end in 5-10 minutes. That's a synopsis.
  
• Remember that queries and synopses are different things. You would never find a synopsis in a query.  A query is a one-page letter that explains what you've written, who you are, and why the agent should represent you.  In a query letter will be a pitch, which is a explanation of your story in 3-8 sentences.  It's like the text you see on the back of a DVD box.  It's designed to pique your interest.  A pitch, like the back of a book or DVD, will not spill the beans regarding the ending.
  
• I recommend having TWO versions of your synopsis - a "long synopsis" and a "short synopsis."  Let me explain.  In past years, there used to be a fairly universal system regarding synopses.  For every 35 or so pages of text you had, you would have one page of synopsis explanation.  So if your book was 245 pages, double-spaced, your synopsis would be seven pages approximately.  This was fairly standard, and allowed writers a decent amount of space to explain their story.  I recommend doing this first.  This will be your "long synopsis."  The problem is: Sometime in the past few years, agents started to get really busy and they want to hear your story now now now.  They started asking for synopses of no more than two pages.  Many agents today request specifically just that - two pages max.  Some may even say one page, but two pages is generally acceptable.  You have to draft a new, more concise synopsis - the "short synopsis."  So which one do you submit?  Good question.  If you think your short synopsis (1-2 pages) is tight and effective, always use that.  However, if you think the long synopsis is much more effective, then you will sometimes submit one and sometimes submit the other.  If an agent requests two pages max, send the short one (because, naturally, you've been instructed to).  If they just say "Send a synopsis," and you feel your longer synopsis is far superior, and your long synopsis isn't more than eight pages, I say just submit the long one. 
  

I've meant to start this new series on the blog for a while now, but am just now getting around to it.  It's called "Successful Queries" and I'm posting actual query letters that succeeded in getting writers signed with agents.  In addition to posting the actual query letter, we will also get to hear thoughts from the agent as to why the letter worked.